#4 What do you think has lead you to this lifestyle choice?

1. i think i was born this way
2. the need for someone else to be in control and my deep seeded need to please
3. My inner cravings and curiosity
4. Even as a teenager, I was drawn toward being submissive in sexual relationships. I was totally unaware of what D/s or BDSM was, but I craved it. Though I have played at it in the context of vanilla relationships, this is the first, truly D/s relationship I have been in, or stated as such.
5. It is something inside you, not something you select. That is, you can select whether and how much to express it, but it is there, just like any other aspect of a person's sexuality. Would you ask a vanilla person why they like being kissed on the neck versus the shoulder, or why they like getting flowers?
6. an understanding of my nature - similarly my pet's need to be controlled
7. I think I have always felt that I need a strong partner, and being a stong person in my regular life, I felt SM was the perfect choice
8. Born as a pretty precocious sweet and needing to please Southern girl.
9. I can trace submissive/bottom tendencies and feelings in myself to a pre-sexual age, as young as four or five years of age.
10. My need for someone to control me. His desire to control me.
11. sexual desire
12. it was inevitable - the sparks from the beginning - it was only in hindsight we called it - many years down the road realizing we were living a textbook D/s dynamic.
13. i think i was born this way.
14. FOLLOWING MY INNERMOST NEEDS AND WANTS AND RECOGNIZING WHAT ALLOWS ME TO BE HAPPY AND FULFILLED.
15. A need, a desire to be controlled.
16. I believe that this lifestyle is an embodiment of my sexual and erotic nature. It was not "easy" to come to this life. Creating the life that I now live required that I make deliberate and conscious choices with the full understanding that there would be some costs in doing that. I gave up a long term marriage and have experienced estrangement from a number of family members and former "friends" in order to pursue this path. It is not something that I have undertaken lightly.
17. It was not a choice for me. It's like being gay. I was born this way and it is torture to repress it.
18. I've been trying to figure that out for the better part of 15 years. Perhaps some events in childhood (I have attachment disorder-inhibitive, alcoholic father abusive to mother, abusive family in general), perhaps reading certain books at a formative age (Marquis de Sade at 9 might not have been completely wholesome), perhaps it's just how I am wired. I've never fought against it or wondered if there was something wrong with me but have always tried to discover the deeper reasons.
19. Something about it spoke to me deep inside. It was a click of some sort, and it felt like I was finally able to be myself fully.
20. That's a difficult question, as Dominance has been tied to my sexuality since I first became sexually aware.
21. i found a freedom in becoming His slave.
22. An early interest in being dominated....in being totally of service to another, now becoming finally real.
23. It just appealed to my Master and me.
24. I actually realized that I was leaning toward this lifestyle at the end of 2004/beginning of 2005, but I didn't know I was until about a year ago. I think one of the reasons why I made the choice is because I felt out of control most of the time and what control I was given, I didn't want.
25. I feel I was born this way. I have early childhood memories of a fascination with punishment and submission. I had a very normal childhood with a loving family. I can only assume it is genetic. I know there are male submissives but I feel that females are naturally submissive and males are naturally dominant. With some exceptions of course. I do wonder what makes us this way.
26. Hard wired this way
27. As I said, I think I have always had a predispostion to it, manifested in my professional life, my personality and some fifteen years ago, through the opportunities of the internet, I made contacts with people who practiced this lifestyle and found many kindred spirits.
28. Don't know! something crashed inside of me this summer. I am a semi-pro bellydancer and something around the 'image' and the aggression (belly dancers are very aggressive frankly...) came together and something broke inside me.
29. I feel safe and cared for. It is also incredibly sexy to have my husband HOH 31. I think it started out somewhat sexually and I caught on that it was more than that for me. I have a daddy issue from childhood as well so I was always looking to please.
30. Is it a choice? I have chosen to actively pursue it in a way that will be more encompassing. I am currently looking to become involved in a long term D/s relatonship. But I guess like most people in this lifestyle I have a similar story. I can't say that I always knew it, but once I recognised and could label my submissive nature, I can look back and see a pattern in my behavior. But basically, exposure to it has led me to pursue it. I was in a bookstore one day just browsing and I picked up "Different Loving". The rest came from then.
31. I just feel that way and want my wife to, as well.
32. somehow i don't think of it as a lifestyle choice, at least not for me. that phrase makes me nervous, as it reminds me of people referring to being gay as a lifestyle choice. i have had fantasies of being chased and tied up since i was in my pre-teens, i think. this would be followed in my mind by the knowledge that something horrible would be done to me, over which i had no control. years later i would have rape fantasies, including gang rape, and fantasies of being whipped. my sexual needs are very high, and i reember masturbating as a quite young child. i remember my mother walking in on me when i was under 5 years of age, and telling me to stop touching myself. i assume that is the psychological underpinning for feeling the need to be forced, and probably ties into the punishment fantasies as well. i'm not sure about the delight at someone controlling my behaviour, but as an older adult i realized i have some measure of ADD, and in fact being controlled and directed is very good for me. i am very happy now - certainly part of that comes from being in love and having that returned, despite neither of us having any idea where this will lead for the future. but i think the structure and security provided by being owned has a large part in it as well.
33. We both have a need to live an intense love. She had a mother who neglected her and I have a need to control her. She loves being controlled.
34. If I were to take a guess as to why psychologically I would say perhaps having an abusive relationship with my father.
35. Natural inclinations, and the need for intensity to achieve sexual satisfaction.38. A love-hate relationship with control, consequence and responsibility. An ability and desire to ably control my own life and circumstances, which led to the craving for balance in relinquishing control to someone else.
36. the ability to be honest with myself and my Master about my inner most needs and desires.
37. I really don't know. I love to make people happy and please them, and especially so in the case of someone I love so much as I do my lover. I am at my most pure happiest when giving him pleasure. A smile or word of praise from him is worth more than anything. All I ever want is to make him happy, so I love to pleasure him, whenever I can, and be the best I can be for him. That doesn't really explain my inclination to like pain and that sort of thing though. I really don't know why I like that stuff. Perhaps it's because in "Real Life" I am a headstrong, independent, confident, sassy, outgoing sort of person - a leader. Bossy. That sort of thing. Perhaps it feels good to be stripped bare and overwhelmed by the one person who I know can overwhelm me. And perhaps it's so sexy because I trust him. it's about trust. I place my life in his hands. That's exhilarating.
38. Curiosity mainly. My Master/partner is the first and only person I've slept with, and He has encouraged me to explore different sexual aspects, and this is just another one. I'm an openminded person, so trying different things isn't that much of a stretch and generally doesn't push my boundaries too far, and when we started trying this together, we were lucky that it was something that both of us enjoyed and still continue to enjoy today.
39. IT has always felt right. I can look for this lifestyle when things just felt "wrong". 43. Primarily the interest in rough, hardcore sex and pain. Then i fell in love with the D/s lifestyle and serving my Owner. I have always known i was a sexual submisisve- the mentality came from experiencing the passion of a true Dominant Leader.
40. A long-standing interest in sex for its own sake, a mindset which favours being in control, and finding a submissive partner.
41. It's just the way I am and always have been.
42. 46. My Grandfather and Father. My Grandfather was head of house and what he said was law. I was his favorite and thus was taught by him. As to my Father, he was a Dominant man who showed me that patience, understanding and an opened mind can handle anything, emotions get in the way and thus on should first master onself before on can master others.
43. It's always been a part of my sexuality, don't really know why, I'm generally interested in the psychological side of sex rather than the physical, which has some bearing, also I'm a control freak in everyday life, so this is a balance to that in some ways.
44. It's always been a part of my sexuality, don't really know why, I'm generally interested in the psychological side of sex rather than the physical, which has some bearing, also I'm a control freak in everyday life, so this is a balance to that in some ways.
45. I do not believe it is a choice, just as other alternate lifestyles you are born this way
46. I was born submissive and raised in a world where it was okay.
47. My own personal curiousity has opened this pathway. Under no circumstance, has my direction been altered for this life.
48. I wonder if I have been led to it. More accurately, it has always been a part of me. As a youngster there were always those dark thoughts and fantasies...but always pushed to the back of the mind. Surely this could not be normal. Surely I was flawed. A strict religeous upbringing, vanilla propriety, political correctness all reinforced "acceptable" interaction between the sexes. And yet those needs and cravings were just not going to be denied. Lifestyle choice was not one moment of decision, but rather a gradual awakening aided very much by the internet as I discovered so many others who shared those same needs and cravings.
49. I don't know if you have enough space dedicated for that answer..;) I think it is a way of being rather than a choice. It takes a lifetime of experiences to get to this point.
50. The very nature of me.
51. This is something I have not been able to discern as of yet. I suspect there are many factors and experiences that, in their own way, made this lifestyle feel comfortable, but I cannot pinpoint an exact situation or event that brought me to where I am now. I do feel it was a natural progression for me that began long ago. I also feel that the journey is never over and that new experiences will always lend themselves to shaping my future needs and wants.
52. I do not know. I was abused in most every way as a child, but as to whether this has a connection, I can only guess.
53. the submissive has always been in me. reaching the age of 40 was when i acted on it and the realisation that my husband would never be a Dom. the access to information and relationships online has not only facilitated my journey, but also helped me accept that my needs and desires are not abmormal or freakish.
54. 58. I expressed an urge to be spanked after 25 years of marriage - I didn't realise anyone else felt that way until I read about it on the internet. Then read about DD and finally realized I wanted to go further to D/s. Without some form of D/s I can feel unhinged. It allows me to feel that my behaviour and responses are under control and that I can't lash out when frustrated. It makes me happy, feminine, cherished, and that he is attentive. It enriches our sexual life.
55. A lengthy search to find satisfaction of some rather deeply rooted and initially unsettling desires. I was always drawn to a certain portrayal of relations between men and women, and especially excited in hyper-feminine dress codes.
56. i think it is an inborn personality type - i think i am a natural submissive, although this was only revealed to me during some light BDSM style play with a former boyfriend.
57. Just like anyone I guess I do the only thing that works for me, who knows why its submission and pain? You could say I was influenced by violent and controlling people as a child, but you could also say I was attracted to them, even then. Was it the chicken or the egg? I do love thinking about this quesiton, and I don't mean to be as flip as I probably sound, but I'm not sure there is an answer. I look forward to reading what you and others have to say on the question of why.
58. It has been a very gradual process of discovery. I do not think I have explored my tendencies completely.
59. I think I was genetically programed this way.
60. childhood trust issues
61. I needed to find out more about the dominant part of myself, which, however hard I tried, just wouldn't go away! However certain commitments in the vanilla world mean that I can't go as deeply into D/s as I would like.

#3 How do you manage your lifestyle with your vanilla world?

1. we mostly keep to ourselves
2. they meld together nicely, some vanilla peeps in my life know, others do not. It is not all that hard to be what one is in the vanilla world if it is honestly felt from within the soul
3. Just living a heartfelt life
4. I am not out, very few people know about the dynamics of my relationship or my preferences. In my daily life, I am not submissive at all.
5. I keep the two separate. No one in my vanilla life knows about my other side.
6. I keep it hidden. it's just between my pet and me
7. I can no longer do vanilla sex. As for friends, we are a normal couple outside, though some close friends know I am no longer a strong head.
8. The two shall never meet or know anything about the other.
9. Until this year, entirely closeted. A temporary ex-pat move has allowed me the experience of being more "out," which I relish. I worry about and do not look forward to returning to a closeted lifestyle.
10. Fairly easy since we are 1. pretty new to this AND we are pretty relaxed with the lifestyle.
11. both are kept separate
12. it meshes - neither of needs elaborate gestures to "prove" to anyone else teh way in which we interact - i.e. I may kneel to him in private but any more than either of us ever were interested flamboyant and attention-seeking gestures outside our personal space. Ensuring his needs are met is not so different in any relationship.
13. i have a journal, which i write from home. my partner isn't D/s, although he knows i am. he doesn't know about my journal. i would say i keep my vanilla world and my lifestyle fairly separate
14. ITS A BALANCING ACT. I HAVE TWO DISTINCT PERSONALITIES.
15. i am who i am as far as being submissive; i don't hide anything. We do not however, expose everyone to our M/s.
16. I am employed outside the household as a middle school teacher, and I am extremely discreet about my lifestyle choices. My Master is proud of my professional work, and my career contributes significantly to the financial werewithal of our family. It is important that I perform those duties well and that I maintain that position without compromise. It is sometimes a challenge to balance the two halves of my life, but it is a necessary part of living as I choose.
17. I have kept it very separate and private. I hope to change that incrementally. Not sure how that will work.
18. I am fortunate in that I am not asked to work so have very little vanilla interference. My friends know the type of relationship I am in so that is not a problem. I made a choice to be a slave over being a mother (and have looked for similarly minded owners accordingly) so that is not an interference either. When I go out to shop I look like a feminine, graceful, deferring lady with an interesting metal choker. I think being a slave has made me a more polite member of society actually. I am glad I do not have to juggle the different aspects and responsibilities and can focus on my owner entirely.
19. Some of my close friends, vanilla, know about my lifestyle. Other than that, no one does. My work is seperate.
20. The D/s nature of our relationship is private and conducted in private. We are outwardly vanilla to the rest of the world.
21. i am fortunate enough to be able to have very little vanilla, and 99% lifestyle.
22. No problem. I function perfectly well in the vanilla world. My vanilla friends are unaware of ny BDSM life.
23. Very easily, as it is constrained mostly to the bedroom. I defer to my Master for most decisions, but otherwise our vanilla day-to-day activities are completely unaffected.
24. It's actually quite easy considering that only very few people know about my submissive nature. I can keep each separate with ease.
25. I have actually started noticing that maybe the world is not as vanilla as it lets on. I have also learned that when you get stopped by a policeman you can get out of a ticket more easily if you go completely submissive. In fact, all men respond very well to being treated with respect & courtesy.
26. Secrecy
27. My dominance is generally focused around relationships with women. My wife is a submissive and out lifestyle together is a head of household, taken in hand style. I have passing relationships with other submissive women but the are most alway clandestine.
28. that has yet to be seen...too new yet.
29. it can be hard as most wouldn't understand. We keep it to ourselves, but I am sure my friends wonder why he makes the decisions
30. it can be hard as most wouldn't understand. We keep it to ourselves, but I am sure my friends wonder why he makes the decisions
31. I just keep it to myself most people have no clue. As for me I work with my Master and live any normal life with a twist.
32. I'm pretty new to all of this, so right now, it is completely separate. The kinky bits are more acceptable than trying to explain power exchange. But I hope to eventually be able to meld the two.
33. Don't see any difficulty, should there be?
34. my friends and family know about the man who owns and loves me, but not about the D/s. they do know that he controls my bedtimes, which is in fact something i need, and they think this is very sweet and in some cases are jealous. i occasionally make cracks that betray the truth if you knew what to look for. but my listeners, even those who relish their sex lives and aren't shy about it, don't think in terms of bdsm. in a different group of friends is one masochist and a pair of leather guys, but no one i know of who is really into D/s. i have found the on-line community extremely helplful in giving perspective and making me feel less weird and isolated. i also have a psychiatrist whom i see occasionally to monitor my SAD and now-dormant general depression. i haven't admitted to the bdsm - she is very open-minded but i don't want her to worry about me! but she approves of what i do tell her about how he keeps my life regulated, and sees how incredibly happy i am. i do think i am very lucky to have achieved two things in one relationship, and things i never expected to have at all or again: the realization of my desire to explore bdsm and a love unlike any i've ever had before.
35. We are very private. In public my Wife is very well behaved
36. I am fairly relaxed and open. I am also polyamorous and most of my friends are aware of this.
37. It's not too difficult, really. I don't have black eyes or anything. And other visible things are easily understood by most of my friends. People I am close to but don't see often are pretty much the people who wouldn't understand at all. It works out
38. Distinctly compartmentalized and separate. I consider discussion of one's private life unnecessary and inappropriate regardless of what it may involve. I do go to great lengths to hide the internet involvement of my interest, of which i am more ashamed than the actual participation.
39. live it daily
40. It's difficult. We don't live together as yet, and I am still living at home with my mum. A long distance relationship is hard at best, but I think it's harder being a D/s relationship.
41. I have both world at war with one another. I try my best to live in both at all times.
42. Life is life and it is lived. Every once in awhile there is a nuance of something that reminds me of the BDSM world, however, for the most part, there is a defined split. Sometimes i'd rather not have a vanilla world, but... for now, I do. It is lived normally.
43. I don't mention it unless someone asks--and they rarely if ever ask.
44. D/s type things don't often come up in conversation in the vanilla world. I guess you'd say I'm in the closet.
45. As I stated above with confidence. To sway both sides is foolish as you ride the fence, but protocal, etiquette, knowledge and an open mind can balance you well. The problem is that we loose ourselve in fantasy if we are not careful, become so ingrossed in it that we lose our perspective.
46. Not exactly 'closeted', but don't go on about it unless the topic comes up, then judge the company as to how much I'll say. Most of my friends know I'm somewhere in the Fetish/BDSM spectrum but not the specifics. Some know all.
47. Not exactly 'closeted', but don't go on about it unless the topic comes up, then judge the company as to how much I'll say. Most of my friends know I'm somewhere in the Fetish/BDSM spectrum but not the specifics. Some know all.
48. Its kep separate because of her work
49. Most people that meet me would understand that I am submissive to my Sir, which contrasts very stongly with my work persona. I am not aggressive but I am a leader.
50. I really don't try to hide it, in any way. If someone happens to ask, I'm very open about my life and choices. I'm actually about to tell my parents that I'm bisexual.
51. I believe myself to be a dominant individual first and formost. The lifestyle aspect then is more like a comfortable addition. Managing D/s with my vanilla world has become much like having mental flags which remind me not to cross a certain line in my vanilla dealings. I know that D/s has provided me with a valuable understanding of human nature, and the differences between those who are inherently dominant vs those who are inherently submissive. Often times in my vanilla world I find myself evaluating individuals within that context and acting accordingly. However, the mental flag is always there. Lastly, "D/s Lifestyle" is not exclusively about sexual interaction. It's about embracing who we are on a meaningful level.
52. I have no particular "lifestyle" It is a certain dynamic between us, we are private. I don't feel I have to manage anything per se, it is just simply who I am.
53. I'm utterly single...and celibate for eight years...fairly difficult.
54. I am open with most all of my close friends. I have actively attended play parties and events with those friends, though I am not open with my family or in my professional life. I do feel those two aspects are my life are not appropriate places to disclose my sexual preferences and choices. I am quite happy with who knows about me and who doesn't. Not to mention the secrecy lends itself to making my relationship seem more illicit and heightens the excitement factor for us as a couple. It should be noted I do not feel forced to hide this aspect of who I am nor do I feel ashamed of the sexual lifestyle I am choosing. Fri, 10/26/07 12:40 AM
55. I have to manage it secretely.
56. None of my friends or family know about the submissive life i lead and i am careful to keep it secret. I have a number of Ds friends i am in touch with (online) and many whom i have met irl.
57. We have four children so we have to limit D/s activities to when they are not in the house, or just to the bedroom; sometimes discussions that are just whispers. It is not in play when with friends etc. though we may have agreed to something before meeting them.
58. All but the most subtle elements are evident to the vanilla world. A few vanilla friends and family members are aware of this dynamic and my proclivities.
59. i have a job, friends and contact with my family. Normally i balance things out very well, though sometimes i wish everybody close to me knew about the lifestyle i lead.
60. I have a firm belief that sexuality is private and have no wish to share my orientation with anyone in my life, family or friends. That said one of my sisters and one of my brothers in law know a bit from accidentally seeing things at our house that were not intended. But it hasn't been a big deal. I do hide my bruises religiously, I don't change in women's dressing rooms at swimming pool etc. Again not a big deal. I also feel that it is crucial to hide my sexuality from my children, so that takes prioroty over kink, but we manage.
61. I am gradually "outing" myself to very close personal friends. Online, I feel more free to express myself completely.
62. I keep it very separate.
63. i don't.
64. I keep the two in separate compartments

Survey questions #1 and #2

#1 What do you consider yourself?

Dominant 20.3%

submissive 66.1%

Switch 8.5%

Other 8.5%

slave have some dominant tendencies....but I'm not a switch..make sense?

somewhat dominant but lazy about it

#2 How do you express this in your life?

1. i am submissive to my husband
2. by serving my Master in all that i do no matter where or what i am doing
3. I am in a D/s relationship. We live about two hours apart and meet every 1-3 months, although we talk everyday. I also host a blog, where I journal about my relationship and lifestyle.
4. I have a Master, and when I am not committed to one person, I enter other relationship that are characterized by the D/s dynamic - whether ongoing relationships or episodic sessions
5. by controlling my Pet
6. I am really just starting, but I like to service Master in domestic chores
7. Very carefully. Very discreetly.
8. Primarily in the bedroom--with a loving partner. Also in workshops, activism and "outreach" (getting tipsy and saying inappropriate things to vanilla people...oops)
9. I am always submissive to my Master. He allows me to do what I want to do with his blessing but I ultimately answer to him.
10. sexually
11. the dynamic is the reality .. although not readily apparent to those outside the know. In fact, D. and I find ourselves vastly amused as there is often a perception that it is the "other" way ... yet look hard - I make sure his favourite coffee is in, make his lunch every day - cook his favourite dishes, we both keep up with laundry and manage the kids, but I keep his vitamin regime filled and ensure he always has what he needs and like to spoil him generally ...
12. it's hard to say. sometimes i identify moments of "submissiveness," but i'm a pretty outgoing girl, so it's not expressed all that often in my "real life." i do have an online journal, and that is probably the only place in my life that i really explore or express my submission
13. 24/7
14. i am His slave and around others, i am just generally more concerned about their feelings and comforts than my own.
15. I live in a 24/7 relationship in which I define my position as "slave" as well as masochistic partner to a Dominant and a sadist who is my Master. Ours is a heterosexual, polyamorous household that is driven by power exchange dynamics at its core.
16. For many years through sexuality only. More recently it has become more integrated. That integration is developing now.
17. I defer choice and freedom to my owner. I practice obedience, battle reactance, work hard to know myself and be transparent and honest. I give up my rights and allow myself to trust and be controlled. I ask before doing. I respect. I accept.
18. I am a slave in a committed relationship to a Master. I write in a blog centered around M/s.
19. Through ownership of my slave.
20. i am my Owner's 24/7 no limit slave
21. I have sought for a long time, the right dominant for me. And at last, I have found him, and he me.
22. I devote myself to my Master and wear a collar to signify his dominance over me.
23. It's hard for me to express this aspect of my life since so many people would be unforgiving of it. I keep it to myself for the most part. Since I'm new to the BDSM world, I feel like I still have a lot of time to express this aspect of who I am.
24. I have a lover who is my dominant. We can't be together every day but we talk 2 or 3 times a day by phone, email, IM. He guides me, listens to me, disciplines me.
25. Writing
26. I have always been a leader, a manager, a facilitator. I am a large/tall person and natural take the lead in most situations.
27. new, very new to submission. Am struggling with subfever and a vanilla marriage...BUT!Husband interested. Want to go deeper into submission, but don't have a Dom...so this website is really the first good thing (besides yesterday's finding January Blackthorne's blog) that I have come across....have some correspondence with a Gorean Dom/Trainer...I am very confused girl here...
28. my husband is the HOH and I follow his rules. I get spanked when I don't. I am not to refuse sex, but I can express my reluctance to and He will listen and decide if my reason is valid (ie unwell, etc). I am not allowed to argue his decisions but again I may express myself in a polite way, but not in front of our children.
29. my husband is the HOH and I follow his rules. I get spanked when I don't. I am not to refuse sex, but I can express my reluctance to and He will listen and decide if my reason is valid (ie unwell, etc). I am not allowed to argue his decisions but again I may express myself in a polite way, but not in front of our children.
30. I submit everyday. I work at being pleasing for myself and that works for Master. The harder I work to please the better it is. No matter how small it makes me feel very nice.
31. Generally I don't express it. I do recognise my desire to please, but at the same time, I only feel submissive when in the presence of certain personality types. Basically, if someone is the typical "natural leader", I tend to be acquiescent. I do have lifestyle friends that I socialize with and am freer to express my submissiveness when I desire to. I also attend various lifestyle events as often as I am able to. Well, now that I think about it, I do express my submissiveness when it comes to sex. It's easier to explain and get what I want in that area.
32. Tell my wife what to do when she asks. Make her sit down with me in the evening and read blogs/watch porn videos/films with a love interest/interesting news or other items. Tell her "that's enough" when she starts arguing. Tell her what to wear. She's very willing, I want to do more but as I said, I am lazy about it.
33. i have a (for want of a better word) boyfriend with whom i have been in a D/s relationship since February of 2007. what began as an exchange of erotic e-mails with no pre-defined sexual slant developed into a "real" love relationship with a D/s structure. this is conducted mostly at a distance, but has grown nevertheless. the D/s structure serves both our needs, and when we do spend time together (long visits) we specifically set time aside for bdsm play. we are well suited in our fantasies and desires, and affection and humor underlie all our interactions, even the fiercest ones. one other thing to note, as you will see from my profile (i don't yet keep a blog) - there is a wide age gap between us, and it is the opposite of what might normally be expected. i am nearly 59 and he is 37. it works.
34. I am Head of my Household. I set the rules my Wife must live by
35. I am in a D/s relationship, although at this stage it is not able to be 24/7, there is a high amount of contact hours.
36. I enjoy being dominated sexually and sometimes dominating, though that is very much outside the box for me.
37. Meetings and ongoing interactions with like-minded men involving corporal punishment, slapping, exchange of power and control, and sexual control Sat,
38. 24/7
39. My partner and I are currently in a D/s relationship. We are at an intermediate level when it comes to experience.
40. I tend to be dominant with others in my life and crave another dominant to force me into more submissive behavior.
41. I have an Owner that I rely on for orders and arrangement of our sexual endeavors. In my professional life, I am not submissive; quite the opposite but behind closed doors, I am 100% submissive and a servant slave. I do not have any tangible signs of being a submissive but my mind is marked and always rooted around my Owner.
42. Very minorly. For example, by taking a dominant role during cybersex, or occasionally during real life sex.
43. I am never passive during sex, I'm always controlling or directing what takes place.
44. I am confident and in such seek to have peace in my life, it is not easy for one must first master ones emotions, and understand that things should always be questioned. THIS SHOULD BE "HOW DO YOU EXPRESS THIS IN THE LIFESTYLE"
45. Everyday life: Generally treat people as equals, tendency to dominate and control situations unless with someone that clicks my 'sub' button. Sexually: varies from slight tendency to follow partner's lead to full on bondage, humiliation, pain and especially control-based explorations.
46. I own a slave
47. I live a submissive role 24/7, in that the Dominant always has the final word. I am intelligent and can do quite well on my own. But I find it best to be able to come home and not be in charge any longer.
48. I am an owned pet, by the beautiful Goddess Feral. In a wonderful relationship with Her, I'm glad to be in Her service. But I am a Sergeant of US Marines, and I am currently seeking a pet for myself
49. I consider the "lifestyle" aspect to simply be an extension of what otherwise is considered by most to be a "dominant" personality. Of course I tend to express the Dominant in me most comfortably in my interaction with other lifestyle oriented individuals, and principally my lovely slave.
50. It is only expressed with my dominant partner.
51. My job - I 'manage' a program for mentally ill adults, but it affords me the opportunity to serve in some fashion. In my choice of hobbies; I garden for the excuse of kneeling, which centers me. I am always 'me.'
52. I am in a monogamous relationship with a Dominant male partner. This is the first D/s relationship for us both, and as such, there is much open communication and experimentation as it concerns limits, desires, formality, process and protocol. We are less concerned with following "the rules" than about finding our own way and what turns us on.
53. By seeking an educated, strong man to mentor me and spank me when necessary
54. i am married to a vanilla man and have sought Ds relationships outside of my marriage without my husbands consent/knowledge. I have always been totally honest with any Dom i have met that i have no desire to change my marital status but seek a Ds relationship to meet my submissive needs which are not fulfilled within my marriage.
55. agreeing to behave in certain ways; being accountable for bad behaviour; agreeing to discipline; to obey when asked to do certain sexual activities; to accept that he has the right to deny something e.g orgasm, wearing panties
56. In my monogamous relationship with my girl who identifies as submissive. We engage in a power exchange that extends beyond the bedroom, but not in a slave and Master sort of context.
57. i live full-time with my Master
58. My husband and I have a Daddy/girl thing. I am completely submissive in our sexual relations in all ways. I do not speak or move at all unless directed or moved by him on 'threat' of pain. ; )We also include lots of beating not as punishment, just because he can and because I love it. I have no outlined rights or limits, though there are some lifestyle rules for me. On the other hand I would not categorize myself as 24/7 or as a 'slave' because in reality most of my time is spent on regular life, including raising children which makes much less time available for kink. I have always been aroused by violence and threats, by being hit or hurt, and have fantasized about this since I was a child. I have never been aroused by vanilla things, and never had an orgasm with out pain, or imagining pain.
59. Two ways. I write some fiction and keep a personal, anonymous blog. And I am partnered with a woman who considers herself submissive.
60. With non-partner tops-occasionally by appointment, otherwise at play parties.
61. through the internet
62. I write a D/s blog, and have mentoring relationships with submissives through online contact only

Thank you....

Thanks to everyone who participated in the survey...

The questions were:

#1 What do you consider yourself?
#2 How do you express this in your life?
#3 How do you manage your lifestyle with your vanilla world?
#4 What do you think has lead you to this lifestyle choice?
# 5 What would you ask other like-minded people about their D/s practices?

There were a lot of responses, and we want to post them all. We will post the answers to one question a day and keep the list in the sidebar. If you share the same view, or not, or want to expound on something, the responses are anonymous and numbered, so you can reference one in the comment section. After all the questions are posted we will list all those who offered web sites and links.

Thank you all so very much. You have confirmed what we already knew about you. You are intelligent, amazing people whom we'd like to know better.

These Are a Few of OUR Favourite Things...

(a wholesome song made wickedly naughty by the salaciously slutty songwriting team of January and Dragonfly....)


Clothespins on nipples and wide leather lashes
Dom's wielding canes as they wear their sunglasses
Luscious pink sexy bits tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things!

Hard wooden horses and bite marks on nipples
Paddles on asses that make red painful ripples
Wild strokes that fly like the dragonfly's wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Girls tied in harnesses baring their asses
Teardrops that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white chains that bind me in rings

These are a few of my favourite things

When the cane bites
When the crop stings
When I'm being bad

I simply succumb to my favourite things

And then I don't feel soooooooooo bad!