Wednesday, August 25, 2010

 tonysangel's left the following comment on a post:
I am a sub in a long distance ownership most of my training has been done by phone or internet.. i have a tendency to defy him because of the distance.. only to have the punishment be more severe when i am before him.. i know the concequencces are coming.. anyone else have this problem and corrected it..
In exploring my own past experiences with distant Master, I remember realizing how easy it would be  to defy Master since he is not here to see. How would he ever know unless I told him? And why on earth would I rat myself out? Then I realized how pointless doing so would be. The only way to honor the true submission in my heart was to keep it pure by being honest and obedient. If I was having difficulty doing so, then I needed to address this with my Master.  What would the point be for either of us if I was just going to do what I wanted to do anyway?

Discuss it with him. It's a point of growth for you both.

Monday, August 23, 2010

new therapy?

I was talking to a (vanilla) friend the other day, or actually he was talking to me, about the problems he was having with his wife. She is controlling, demeaning and constantly doing things to provoke an altercation with him.   It's been going on for a while, and I sat there and nodded and offered my best advice and support, but all I could think of was...

Dude!!!! She's BEGGING for it. Slap a collar on that shrew already!!! If I have ever heard of anyone needing to be turned over a knee it is her!! She is a petulant, snarky child that needs to be put in her place! She gives "bratting" new dimension!!!!!! 

Of course, I said none of this... but then I began to wonder... This woman is a troubled woman desperately searching for boundaries in her life. She is constantly doing things to test them, and he gingerly handles her when it's clear she needs a firm hand. Why couldn't this be a viable solution?

There are "kink" friendly therapists out there who provide traditional therapy to those in need, that have an understanding of  the unique dynamics involved in certain lifestyles. But I wonder if they ever employ "kinky" solutions for their vanilla patients. hmmmm.....

Sunday, August 8, 2010


I am currently without a recognized Dominant figure in my life. A painful choice I had to make to maintain my family structure. It's been almost a year, and I still feel like I'm in somewhat of a tailspin. I have so many emotions that wreak havoc in my life and I feel I have no clear plan or goal. It's definitely some sort of survival mode that keeps me afloat.

He doesn't know why I am so angry with him at times, and truth be told, neither do I. I think I am just angry at myself, and he is just the convenient target.  I need to get a grip on things. We recently went to the doctor, and his blood pressure was high. I immediately felt responsible. He is stressed and trying to hold it all together, normalizing a situation he can barely recognize or understand. I have not been easy. The child in me wants him deprived of peace as I am, perhaps.

It is an arduous process finding the Master within. I existed for a long time having to make my own rules and structure and I am sure I can do it again, but it is quite hard.  As hard as it is for the garden to garden herself.