The next step...

You have gently led her to this place. You have had many heartfelt discussions about the direction you would like to explore within your relationship. You have reassured her, answered all her questions, weathered her doubts and fears, and have have emerged together to take the next step. You have determined the methods with which you feel most comfortable employing, and have thoroughly examined your own feelings and motivation, and set a course for your journey together.

She is ready, fully trusting you to lead her on this path that will deepen and enrich your love for each other, and perhaps open doors within herself.You know that her gift of submission to you is truly precious and you vow to honor it with all your heart.

You extend your hand, she takes it, as you lead her to a place you have created for her. A place of beauty and safety, and love. She kneels before you, open to your will. You take a small length of soft jute and ask her to extend her wrists. You fasten them together, winding the rope around each and fastening in together, leaving a length of rope which you will hold. Your words are sparse and deliberate, lending the moment reverence.

You see a moment of panic flutter across her face. She is feeling the strength of the bond and her mind is not sure how to reconcile what her body experiences. You pull the rope close until your mouth is at her ear and you say,

"Do not fear. You are doing well, my love."

You hold her close and breathe with her as her anxiety passes through, her leaving her calm.

How to Get the Spanking You Want

"How to Get the Spanking You Want"
by Vivian

"... the need for a spanking is usually a much deeper and more insistent need than just a passing fantasy that didn't turn out well. In fact, it might be more accurate to compare our need to be spanked with our sexual orientation."

I had the pleasure of reading this book, and offer you the following review:

In this book, Vivian presents a very realistic approach for the submissive person to bring into their reality that which they may have felt impossible to attain. She discusses the internal and external aspects and obstacles of acquiring and providing adult spanking. It is written for the submissive who yearns for this experience yet does not know how to affect it in her life.

"If you aren't able to love and accept the part of you that wants and needs spankings, you're not going to be able to relax enough to communicate as clearly and specifically as you'll need to to get the spanking you want, and what's more, your partner won't feel safe or comfortable spanking you. "

She addresses the important issues to be considered when exploring this journey with a partner. Vivian gently leads you through each step of the process, and helps you sort through what it is you need, how to approach your partner and how to get the spanking you desire.

"Getting your partner to spank you requires learning to communicate honestly and clearly and maturely about your spanking needs."

Overall, this book addresses everything from sitting in your boudoir fantasizing about being over his knee to actually being over his knee and beyond. This is an excellent reference for those coming to terms with these desires and looking to bring them into their reality, and for those who are currently practicing adult spanking with their partner.

For more information about purchasing this book, click here to visit Variant Books website!

Assume the Position! TVCCM Task #5

David Sharp from A View from the Top so very kindly sent me this task to try:

When he begins making love to you, reach your hands and arms above your head. Entwine your hands in the bars of the headboard, or tucked between the headboard and the mattress, or simply reach out to each corner of the bed and take a tight grip on the sheets. Keep your hands/arms in place through the entire session of intimacy. If questioned, simply say, take what you will, or I am fully open for you, or I offer no resistance, or a similar phrase that will convey your sense of surrender and submission

Thank you, David for the task! It is an excellent suggestion and quite inspiring.

Another position to consider when offering your sexual submissiveness to your lover is placing your arms behind your back as if they are cuffed or tied. This is most effective if you are on top or servicing him orally.

Being on your knees, offering him full access to you lovely body, attending to his pleasure are all things that show him you are yearning to be his slut, to be used at his will. Physically assuming these positions is a powerful message, and even if he doesn't fully pick up on the submissive vibe you are emitting, and take full control of his girl, these positions will help you achieve that subbie state of mind you crave and need.

Give it a try....

And.. please, visit A View from the Top!



photo by Paul Banner

Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip

Task #4

Do it with food...

The fastest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.. actually it's through his chest with a knife.. (sorry, having a moment)... ;) But all kidding aside...

Why not cook Him a very special meal?

There are few more caring acts then preparing, presenting, and serving a meal that you have carefully created with your loving hands.

The goals for this task are to demonstrate to your potential Dom:

• your desire to please them
• your willingness to go out of your way to do so
• your creativity in achieving this

I realize most of us have families and probably cook at least once a day to feed our beloved, and I am a firm believer in a family dining together in the evenings. Sometimes it's the only time of the day everyone can actually sit down and connect, and doing this once a day hardly seems enough, but with our busy lives, it will have to do.

So how do you make Him a special dinner and feed a family?

Here are some ideas:

1. Try something new.

Make his favorite dish or venture beyond your usual dinnertime repertoire. Maybe make something from his favorite restaurant, or something that is only eaten on special occasions. It will show him that you have been thinking of him and that you want to please him. If the rest of the family does not share his mature palate, you make them a little something different. I rely on good ole mac and cheese for those nights, and my kids are very thankful.

2. Feed the kids first.

It's hard to keep the kids out of the snacks after school, and sometimes dinner time is delayed. Make your special meal for him to be eaten when he gets home and feed the kids their dinner earlier. To maintain that family connection time, let the kids eat dessert while you are eating your dinner. Have them dive into a nice bowl of fresh fruit and yogurt while they tell you all about their day, and whisper in your spouse's ear that his dessert will be given in private.

When we do this, the kids are usually in great moods because their bellies are full and they are eating dessert! This will also allow you some private time to spend with him over dinner and for you to fully dedicate your attention to him.

3. Plan a late night dinner by the fire.

Share a salad while the kids eat their dinner to maintain your family time and stave away some hunger pangs, and when they are all tucked safely in their beds, set up your private dinner fire side, or any romantic spot in your home. Don't forget the candles which might also lead to some fun with wax!

4. Plan a whole evening without the kids, maybe on weekend when their grandparents are yearning to indulge them.

And if you are lucky enough to find yourself in this situation, then go all out. How about a lovely naked slave girl serving dinner to her masterful Master, or how about the dinner being served on the lovely naked slave girl? Choose foods that can be fed to him by your gorgeously sexy fingers. Lobster, is great for this.. and what is sexier than a drip or two of melted butter running down a tummy for a luscious tongue to chase? Yum...

It's okay to be playful. Remember, you are trying to change a dynamic between the two of you, and people will only change when they feel secure and calm. Engaging in the D/s dynamic is a wonderful experience, and much of it is established through play, meaning out of the confines of our everyday life and responsibilities... so play... ;)

And last, but not least & a disclaimer....


Do not get mad at him or upset if he is late for the special dinner you made. (Something I have to remind myself of and why I began this post with that comment).

Just think how you will even further you goal if he sees you made him a special meal, and didn't flip out when he came home late to eat it! He will see that he has a loving, caring and graceful submissive woman he will want to ravage later in the bedroom...

These tasks are designed to improve your relationship with your vanilla spouse and whom you are trying to engage in some D/s activity. They are about establishing trust and laying a secure foundation so that your desires will be welcomed and recognized.

These things takes time and understanding. I do not purport that doing these things will instantly change your relationship, but they will help your mindset and perhaps the mindset of your spouse.

Please do not think these are things designed for solely a submissive woman to use with her potentially Dominant male partner. I appreciate there are many differences among us and these are ideas that can be adapted for all couple configurations. The only reason I phrase them in this way is because I am sharing with you my experiences and this is the context in which they exist.

and... please... give feedback!! It helps everyone!!!

good luck and Mange!

TVCCM (Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint) Task # 3

Seduction with a scarf....

Sexy salacious slave girls often dance for their Master's pleasure! There is nothing more beautiful than a woman swaying to the music as she seduces her very lucky man. All men love to see women dance, and all women possess grace and beauty.

If you don't have a scarf already, buy one on your next shopping trip. Choose a shear scarf long enough to wrap around your waist.

Set the mood.

Get a babysitter, light candles, play music, pour wine. Do all the things that will let him know that you want to please him, that he is so very special to you, that you want to be his. Take a luxurious bath, shave (everywhere!), do your hair and make up, don your sexiest panties and bra. Tie your scarf around your waist like the salacious slave girl you are! Feel the power of your beauty, and you are beautiful.

Place a chair in the room and lead him to it. Ask him to sit down and perhaps kneel at his feet for a moment and remove his shoes. Tell him how much you love and adore him and that you want to entertain him. Tell him that you are here for his pleasure.

Dance for him.

You don't have to be a great dancer or even know how to dance. It's all in the eyes. Lock onto his eyes with your and sway your body gracefully to the music. Use your scarf. Stare seductively as you untie it from around your waist. Sweep it over your head and through the air. Be playful and have fun, don't forget to smile warmly (and knowingly).

And when he cannot take your salacious teasing anymore and rises to take his girl, as he is hoisting you onto the bed whisper in his ear:

"How about tying your girl's wrists to the bed with her scarf?"

have fun
xo

TVCCM (Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint) Task #2

Over the course of the following week, look for opportunities to curl up at the feet of your potential Dom and lay your head against or on his knee. What reaction do you receive?

You can do this without arousing too much suspicion. Try it while watching t.v. with him. Or if he is on the computer. He may be surprised or he may not even notice. If he asks you what you are doing, try telling him you just wanted to be with him. Are you brave enough to tell him that sometimes you just want to be his little girl?

Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint

Salutations Salacious Sisters in Submission!

Many of us are in committed vanilla relationships, and do not know how to fully express our D/s desires with our vanilla mates. We may fear being wrongly judged or rejected by our partners and do not want to destroy the relationship or the trust, so we express this part of ourselves, that will not be denied, outside of the relationship in secret.

For some this is the perfect solution. They are able to compartmentalize their lives and feelings in an effective way and can meet the needs of those involved without taking anything away from anyone or hurting them. However; secret situations seldom stay secret or stable...(say that 5 times fast!) and they often result in painful break ups and loss that are suffered in silence.

Perhaps there is another way.

Perhaps you can slowly draw your vanilla partner in to your D/s world in a non- threatening or destructive way and to a degree with which you are both comfortable and fulfilled. It only takes one person to change the dynamic between two people. If you change your behavior than you will eventually change their behavior because our relationships are a series of actions and reactions.

So anyone up for giving it a try????

*looking at all the hands raised high in the air*

Great!

Every week, we are going to post an activity for the submissive woman to try to elicit the Dom in her vanilla mate. This is based on the assumption that she is in a loving, caring, committed relationship in which she wants to remain. These activities are for the submissive who is looking to interpolated and express the joy in submission she has discovered into her everyday life. Hopefully, these suggestions or tasks will help in bridging the gap that will only widen with time.

TVCCM (Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint) Task #1

For one whole day that you are together with your potential Dom, be mindful of acquiescing to his/her desires and suggestions.

Refrain from interjecting your own agenda. Ask them for direction as politely as possible. If they ask you for a decision, ask them what they would prefer. Try to do this in a way that is not drastic or obvious inviting suspicion, and use language that you typically would use.

Do not expect things to change immediately. Old habits die hard! But do note any changes you notice, even the smallest ones. It may take a while for your partner to adjust to your shift and the natural instinct is to restore order, so they may try to revert you back with stronger behavior on their part. Be prepared for this and continue on your path and they will eventually adjust. If you are subtle enough, you shouldn't elicit inquiry at all, and that is your goal.

It might be a good idea to keep a journal about your activities, and how you feel during this process.

If you have any questions, please post a comment or email. We will answer them and always keep your information confidential if that is your desire. We also invite you to share about your experiences however you feel comfortable.

Good Luck!