Salutations Salacious Sisters in Submission!
Many of us are in committed vanilla relationships, and do not know how to fully express our D/s desires with our vanilla mates. We may fear being wrongly judged or rejected by our partners and do not want to destroy the relationship or the trust, so we express this part of ourselves, that will not be denied, outside of the relationship in secret.
For some this is the perfect solution. They are able to compartmentalize their lives and feelings in an effective way and can meet the needs of those involved without taking anything away from anyone or hurting them. However; secret situations seldom stay secret or stable...(say that 5 times fast!) and they often result in painful break ups and loss that are suffered in silence.
Perhaps there is another way.
Perhaps you can slowly draw your vanilla partner in to your D/s world in a non- threatening or destructive way and to a degree with which you are both comfortable and fulfilled. It only takes one person to change the dynamic between two people. If you change your behavior than you will eventually change their behavior because our relationships are a series of actions and reactions.
So anyone up for giving it a try????
*looking at all the hands raised high in the air*
Every week, we are going to post an activity for the submissive woman to try to elicit the Dom in her vanilla mate. This is based on the assumption that she is in a loving, caring, committed relationship in which she wants to remain. These activities are for the submissive who is looking to interpolated and express the joy in submission she has discovered into her everyday life. Hopefully, these suggestions or tasks will help in bridging the gap that will only widen with time.
TVCCM (Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint) Task #1
For one whole day that you are together with your potential Dom, be mindful of acquiescing to his/her desires and suggestions.
Refrain from interjecting your own agenda. Ask them for direction as politely as possible. If they ask you for a decision, ask them what they would prefer. Try to do this in a way that is not drastic or obvious inviting suspicion, and use language that you typically would use.
Do not expect things to change immediately. Old habits die hard! But do note any changes you notice, even the smallest ones. It may take a while for your partner to adjust to your shift and the natural instinct is to restore order, so they may try to revert you back with stronger behavior on their part. Be prepared for this and continue on your path and they will eventually adjust. If you are subtle enough, you shouldn't elicit inquiry at all, and that is your goal.
It might be a good idea to keep a journal about your activities, and how you feel during this process.
If you have any questions, please post a comment or email. We will answer them and always keep your information confidential if that is your desire. We also invite you to share about your experiences however you feel comfortable.