Friday, May 23, 2008

I'm glad....

I'm glad you ended it, although it hurt my ego. I tried to end it before, (remember?) but you weren't ready to accept it, even though you did everything to push me away. So, you needed to pull me back and play out your drama to finally let me go. I knew it all along, because I knew what I was capable of doing and not doing and told you this several times. But you weren't ready to hear me, and now you have accepted that I can never be with you. The truth is, if I loved you enough, I would have been with you already. You weren't acting worthy of the sacrifice I was about to make. It was all just about physicality with you, and I need more. You hurt my ego, it sucks to be dumped, but I knew you would never leave me alone unless you did the dumping. I'm not going to write to you, so if you want to write to me, then so be it. But this is all I have to say on the matter and I chose to do it here. I can't be honest with you, you don't allow honesty in your world, and I don't want to be in your world any more...

good bye!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Once upon a time, I embarked on a journey with a Master who plucked me out of my dismal obscurity and generously offered me his hand. He showed me a world I never knew existed outside of my deepest darkest fantasies and he seemed to understand me as I have never been understood. He showed me the beauty and power in the world all around, and how magic exists even in a paper strip. He taught me about the mystique and wonder of the dragonfly and sent messages of love to me on its wings. He opened my eyes, my heart, my soul and my mind. He breathed life into a girl who was waiting to die... And when I was securely in his grasp, and placed in his palm my mind, my body, my heart and soul, pledging myself to him forever, he let me go. He just disappeared without warning. He left me alone in the dark and only pain and anguish remained where joy and love had been.

It almost killed me, truly it did, and I am still in agony over him, although not as much as I had been. But I think about him, and what was and what could have been every day of my life, and I suppose I will until my dying day. He once told me his mark upon my soul was indelible, and I had thought that such a blessing at the time.

I realize, now, after so much more heartbreak with others, I have just been chasing something that was so unfairly ripped away from my life. He is gone. Master is gone. Forever. I think it's time to come to terms with the fact that the journey that was offered, the gift that was given, so briefly to me, was just a moment in time that has now passed. I think it's time to let it go, and to find a way to put this part of me to rest someway. I know how often folks say that it's impossible to do so, that once one is awakened to this part of themselves and their soul set free that they can no longer live any other way; however, I find having hope that I will ever be able to resume my journey quite impossible, and perhaps the only way for me to find peace in this world is to let it go.. to just let the hope and the journey go...

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

~ Albert Einstein ~

Thursday, May 8, 2008

I'm not a switch....

But I might just change my mind....


Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A question from Anonymous... and some answers...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Turning Vanilla into Chocolate Chip Mint":

This is good for those who are seeking to bring out the Dom in their spouse.

My challenge though is to bring out the sub in my vanilla wife!

Any suggestions or blogs that would be helpful?


I have been thinking about this question for a few days , Anonymous, and I hope to offer you some sound advice.

There is one person I know who often writes about shifting the dynamic between a man and a woman to represent the D/s dynamic a bit more, although his family has adopted the "Head of Household" structure. I would suggest reading his site as well since much of what I was thinking of writing could be found there in abundance!

What seems to come to the forefront of my mind when I think about what would give a vanilla wife some flavor has to do with what happens outside of the bedroom since women connect everything in their world (and men tend to compartmentalize).

In order for a woman to feel submissive to her husband, she must feel safe and secure in his presence. She must feel that he will protect her and care for her no matter what happens. It is in this security that she is able to let go of her ego and submit to his will. Ways to ensure her security are through love and consistency. You need to be dependable and she needs to see that you say what you mean and mean what you say.

In talking to so many women in my life, I believe that we all, vanilla and otherwise, look for these qualities in a man. We swoon at his strength and charisma no matter what his orientation. To me, domination is more about providing that secure world in which I feel at peace and can submit. It is more about dominating the elements around me than me. A good dominant is like a master gardener, making sure the earth has been properly tilled, the seeds planted and tended and the elements controlled so the blooms can emerge and offer pleasure to all who gaze upon them.

In my own experience, what attracted me so strongly to my (vanilla) husband was his ability to command a room and take charge with his wit and charm, and always making me feel I was attended to and cared for. It is an amazing feeling when your man walks across a room of people to close a window because he notices your rubbing your arms because you are cold without a word spoken, just a loving wink as he goes to back to attend the guests. It showed me that he is always caring for me, that I am always his. I remember the feeling of intoxicating warmth that flooded my body and soul when that happened, and now understand it to be those lovely submissive feelings I long to swim in.

Sadly, what happened over the years is that this dynamic wasn't nurtured or honored (we were so very young) and with it's inconsistency, it eventually diminished and resentment filtered through. What I long to do is to restore our dynamic to what it was because I now understand what it means and what it could be. I'm still working on it.

I hope this was helpful, dearest Anonymous, and if anyone would like to offer more advice about how to add some flavor, please do so!


Saturday, May 3, 2008

# 5 What would you ask other like-minded people about their D/s practices?

  1. how do you get your HOH to understand and really get it.
  2. I am always interested in the level of commitment in D/s relationships. I am very committed and exclusively submissive to Him. It seems though, that others often just play at it with several partners. I do not think I could achieve a proper level of submission to satisfy my tendencies, wih more than one Dom.
  3. About general experiences, dos and don'ts, lessons learned, resources... Anything they would find interesting to tell
  4. ideas about training, building and mainting trust, communications
  5. Mostly if and how are they able to handling both love and SM, especially if the Master does not believe he can love his sub
  6. What are your deepest needs? When did you know this about yourself? What is it you can't get enough of?
  7. Everything! I am fascinated by the ins and outs of other people's sexuality (all right, and my own). I would especially like to learn more about people's first stirrings of kinky inclination (whether they feel like an "orientation" as my own do, or whether "giving it a shot and liking it" is more common).
  8. What they are like in the vanilla world. How if they are "hard core", how they interact on a daily basis.
  9. why?
  10. i am always interested in how people find partners because i don't really have one.
  12. Am I just simply naive? Are you just simply naive?
  13. As an "older" woman, I often wonder about those who practice the lifestyle beyond the "flush" of the twenties and thirties. How do people keep embodying the realities of D/s practice into middle age and beyond?
  14. Curious about all aspects of how others do it including raising children, integrating friends and family, conflict resolution, ritual... Everything.
  15. I am really curious about the things others do that don't turn me on at all. The internet makes it really easy to think that if one person is into something (say scat for an extreme example) then it is actually a widely done practice. There are no figures really. I don't think I have any questions for others though, I read blogs for glimpses into people's lives, ideas, fantasies but each relationship is so singular one person's practices can have almost no relevance on those of another.
  16. I have no questions about others right now.
  17. Not sure...perhaps a discussion of formal training methods.
  18. I wouldn't....I don't think. If I wish to know, I try to read about it....research it in a book, or on the internet.
  19. How much do you incorporate D/s into everyday life? (To female submissives:) How do you reconcile the idea of female liberation and equal treatment with a D/s relationship, which resembles the old model of "Man as the head of the household, woman stays home and does the housework."
  20. I would ask them about their routines and good/bad past experiences.
  21. Do you feel you have always had these desires? Do you practice d/s 24/7? Do you find that it takes more and more to satisfy your desires as time goes on?
  22. Any m/m spanking couples there?
  23. How do your desires/needs get fulfilled in your normal life routine? How do you find the "right kind" of people to interact with?
  24. The pain~! emotional pain...of getting do they do it? Is it all-reaching? Is there respect embedded in the relationship?? Is there freedom for creativity?
  25. How do you manage with kids??? We have four ranging from 3 to 16!!!
  26. How do you manage with kids??? We have four ranging from 3 to 16!!!
  27. Is there a place where you feel at ease, with out that need to push and find so urgent?
  28. Do you have a specific vision of what you want in a D/s relationship, of the dynamic you want to acheive and go about trying to make that happen or do you go with the flow, comfortable with the fact that you don't really know how it will turn out? Which way is easier and does one approach give you greater satisfaction than the other?
  29. Does your wife obey you? Do you spank your wife? does she like it? There are so many questions I could ask, but actually I have no like-minded friends.
  30. i am obssessively curious about what goes on in a dom's head and what he feels when he does whatever he does. what does he get out of it? i've also started to wonder if by definition being submissive is generally a more omni-present state of mind throughout the day - not that i, for example, am submissive to everyone and anyone, but i tend to carry my awareness of the flavour of our relationship and it gives me strength. i suspect that doms, both from being (largely) male and from the fact that they can give an order and then go on their way, may be prone to separate the parts of their lives more. in general, i am intrigued by the psychological underpinnings of D/s.
  31. We are happy as we are
  32. I don't know that I could limit it to just one question, I am quite the curious one! :) And I don't know that I could choose just one generic question, rather I would be interested in others responses to circumstances and situations that arise in my life, curious how they would respond to the same situation.
  33. I like to know about their first experiences.
  34. I don't have any particular questions to which I'd like answers.... i feel very 'live and let live' about d/s in general. Perhaps input on meeting a compatible D/s partner.
  35. How do you keep it alive in a long term relationship?
  36. Oh, gee, I dunno... I guess tips on good ideas & tricks to try... easy yet good knots to tie... haha. I love to learn about new ways to please my man. I am always interested in the psychology side of it too, why people think they like what they like.
  37. I would like to know if they got into this kind of lifestyle from just from being curious, or whether it was a journey that their partner took them on. The only other thing that I can think of that I would like to know is: What kind of a relationship do female subs have with their fathers? And do they think this plays a role in this kind of lifestyle choice?
  38. What are your limits?
  39. I would ask them all sorts of questions about 24/7 and TPE. One day, i hope to have an Owner/Master who would own me in 100% totality.
  40. Any practical tips? Seriously, I'd like to know how they started, what they actually prefer to do (rather than what the media, including porn, wants us to think they like to do), and whether they see it as the whole or only part of their sexuality.
  41. Depends on whom I'm speaking to. Tips and tricks mostly. Where to find fun stuff.
  42. I would ask them to consider being all without the flamboyancy. Wearing the outfits is fine and going to affairs wonderful, but one should not lose ones identity in the play. If you will be a lord be a lord not act it. Be real to yourself and choice.
  43. How do you build a D/s community outside of 'scene' gatherings.
  44. How do you build a D/s community outside of 'scene' gatherings.
  45. Nothing
  46. Why does there seem to be so much "turnover" in D/s realtiionships
  47. What are some of their personal kinks and passions? And what are some of their safety practices? What ingenious equipment have they built, designed, or otherwise dreamed of?
  48. I think it's much easier for a dominant man to express his nature in his vanilla world than it is for a submissive woman to express her nature in her vanilla world. I know that many slaves need to "flip a switch" in that they must be assertive leaders in terms of their careers. This fascinates me. How are they able to flip that switch?
  49. I think more of the mental/emotional side should be delved into rather than just the sexual aspects that is so prevalent in all of the available information out there.
  50. How they cope with being themselves and not having; the gnaw of want and need is pretty difficult at times.
  51. While I am open to discussions with other like-minded people regarding D/s practices, I am much more focused on finding the right path for me and my significant than transposing others practices into my own personal experiences.
  52. Are they ever truly satisfied
  53. not a lot. through blog reading and contact with many Doms and subs i am fortunate in that i can ask them and learn from their experiences.
  54. Everything! I think we are all starved for friends and contacts - what has worked for them, what hasn't, what the pitfalls might be. I think just the opportunity to talk with like-minded people would be great. We are a middle class couple leading a regular life, and it would great to talk to people like us who incorporate these principles of dominance and submission into their lives.
  55. When was their first indication of this inclination? Do you wish this lifestyle to remain underground, or do you hope it will achieve mainstream acceptance like homosexuality has?
  56. not sure
  57. Gosh. I'd just like to hear from more people who are making kinky relatinoships work- really work in a long term, mature healthy reltaionship sense, where both partners are functioning adults whose emotional needs are articulated and met. Id like people to know that is a possible reality, too. Also I'd like to know about the long term physical affects of repeated bruising from other subs expereince.
  58. I wonder how other people discovered BDSM. I wonder what is the spectrum of activities.
  59. Where would they place themselves on the continuum of spanking activity? Which were they aware of first, the interest in spanking or their D/s interests?
  60. how do you manage your wants and desires within your vanilla world?
  61. Does it make them happy? Are they developing through it? Where do they see themselves going next?