Sunday, August 8, 2010


I am currently without a recognized Dominant figure in my life. A painful choice I had to make to maintain my family structure. It's been almost a year, and I still feel like I'm in somewhat of a tailspin. I have so many emotions that wreak havoc in my life and I feel I have no clear plan or goal. It's definitely some sort of survival mode that keeps me afloat.

He doesn't know why I am so angry with him at times, and truth be told, neither do I. I think I am just angry at myself, and he is just the convenient target.  I need to get a grip on things. We recently went to the doctor, and his blood pressure was high. I immediately felt responsible. He is stressed and trying to hold it all together, normalizing a situation he can barely recognize or understand. I have not been easy. The child in me wants him deprived of peace as I am, perhaps.

It is an arduous process finding the Master within. I existed for a long time having to make my own rules and structure and I am sure I can do it again, but it is quite hard.  As hard as it is for the garden to garden herself.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was approached once by a married woman in a vanilla relationship who asked me if I would be interested in a non-sexual D/s relationship, as she needed a Dominant figure in HER life. I wasn't in a position to accept her offer at the time, but it occurred to me when I read your post that perhaps it might be something you could look in to.