Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Been busy....

First of all, I want to thank you from the very bottom of my salacious heart for your encouraging comments and email. I love to hear from you and I am so grateful you want to hear from me too.... I am here, I am well... I've just been a bit... busy.... ;)

Actually, that isn't entirely true... Life hasn't been particularly busier than usual, I have just been allowing myself to get lost in its details for a while.  I find the pull of D/s and all its gifts a bit much sometimes, and since my expression in this world is clandestine, I can lose site of my reality at times.

I need it, and I know this, but I wanted to see if I could live without it. I needed to stand on my own for a while and find my footing again.

I am not good at balancing, I'm just not. I have come to accept this about myself. I'm not an all or nothing kinda gal, but I definitely swing for the bleachers every time I'm up at bat, and sometimes that is a bad thing.

I am easily consumed by all things dark and delicious which is in such stark contrast to my reality that the light can be unbearable, and that is what was happening. I know I am not alone in this, so many of you brave and beautiful souls have shared your stories, which have sustained me and others.. thank you for that...

I think I'm close though. Closer than I have been ever. Which is where my new toy fits snugly in. I purchased it as a sign of liberation in my everyday life, and much to my surprise, it was well received by my partner and offered us a tool with which to play reminding us that sex can be just that... play... I think things were getting to serious in that department. Everyday issues were being worked out in the bedroom and that is not such a good thing.

I purchased the Hitachi because it seems to be so popular and highly reviewed, although I have to say, I think it a bit much. I really thought I'd like it a lot more than I do. I guess nothing beats my amazingly talented fingers, so why try? ;)

1 comment:

Pet said...

It is easy to get lost at one end of the spectrum be it dark or light:)

I find when things are hyped up be it a new "toy", movie, food whatever... it tends to dissapoint me when I get around to trying it.