I have only just begun my training following a long intense and passionate verbal courting. We have shared our commitment as master husband and submissive wife to be together in all things as we explore this new life together. Only the past few days he has been distant, many things on his mind. I feel cut off, insecure, yet I stride to master my emotions and paranoia. Is this part of my training? He is very busy with family issues. Perhaps this is merely the vanilla part of the life we straddle between normal and master and submissive? Should I relax, be silent, patient? He is so strong, and I want to be there for him, but I do not wish to overstep my sub bounds. Should I be worried? Thoughts are greatly appreciated.
I have written these words myself at one time or another...
In fact, the insecurity still creeps in when I'm not under his direct attention. I wonder why is it he loves me so? What is it about me that makes him want to own my body, mind heart and soul? I try to see what he sees in me, but it's hard.
The one thing I have learned is that sometimes (vanilla) life just gets in the way, and when we are able to resume our relationship I realize that all the insecurity and all the doubt I felt was completely unfounded and just in my head, and I vow never to let it creep back in again.... yet I do...Luckily I have some wonderful friends who are always willing to screw on my wonky head when it falls off.
Have faith in what you have with your Master. Know that his words are true, and remain true even when he is not with you. Try your best to remain calm and patient, and focus on doing things you know will please him. If he is under stress or burdened in some way, think of ways you can ease this for him and bring him peace. Put your energy into these things, and not into the insecurity feeding on this temporary silence.
Keep reaching out, sweet anonymous girl....we are here for you... and I promise it will all be alright, and you are not alone.
2 comments:
Thank you lovely sister...after four days of no communication from my Master, your words and guidance bouy me. I will use this experience as a lesson, what is life without my Master? Cold, lonely, devoid of direction, giving or serving. My mind, my body in constant, aimless desire...a dark cage of torment, floating through space. I will put aside these negative thoughts, my missing him which is my issue to master. Instead I will work to master my emotions, which will please my Master. I will walk, write, remmeber he loves me, remember his last words of assurance to me, "we are ok, I love you, I just have a lot on myh mind right now". I respect Master's space without question. His strength sustains me. I crave him more and more with each passing moment. And your words rejuvinate me...thank you for being here for me, for all of us.
You are so welcome sweet anonymous girl.. thanks for sharing..
When your Master returns, perhaps you should share with him your experience and ask him for guidance should it happen again... I know he'll be proud of you...
here for you xo
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