Rules

When I was first "discovered" by a Master who was Gorean influenced, he had me write rules that I was to follow. He had given me general guidelines about what he wanted and then I was to craft 10 that embodied his wishes. This is what I wrote and followed during our time together:

1) i will never manipulate Master. i will not make a scene go the way i feel it should to fulfill my own desire or will. i will not undermine what my Master is seeking to accomplish and i will never push my ego ahead of his agenda.

3.) i will not let my fear overwhelm me and i will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. i will have complete faith in what Master wants for me and i will continue to grow as a slave and as a human being.

4.) i will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master, and will always be mindful of his wishes and desires. i will always do my best to fulfill these, and to always be found pleasing. i will not question his position of authority.

5.) i will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, even by myself. i will communicate my fears, concerns and preferences at appropriate times and in a respectful manner and i will speak up quickly if i feel that genuine harm or distress could occur.

6.) i will be completely open and responsive to my Master. i will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that he may realize full authority over me. i know that He is not a telepath, and i will not expect him to know thoughts or feelings. i will volunteer information and provide feedback without being prompted to do so. He expects me to share my heart and soul, therefore i will.

7.) i know that my actions reflect upon my Master, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way. i will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master and i will always act worthy of him. i will wear my title of slave with honor, and i will never cause others to think that being slave means to be weak or sub-human. i will take pride in who and what i am and will never show myself in a negative way. i will always carry myself in a way that would make Master proud.

8.) i will always be obedient to my Master. i realize he has my best interests at heart and often knows better than i what i need in a particular situation. i will not resist.

9.) When there is a doubt about an instruction or clarity is needed, i will ask. Master will determine whether or not to answer. i will never be punished for asking a question respectfully.

10.) i will always use my intelligence to fulfill Master's requirements. i will actively keep my mind sharp and continue learning. i will keep myself challenged intellectually by reading and other activities and i will hone my intuitive skills so that i may better serve Master's will. i will not become cognitively lazy and complacent.

I still live by these rules even though I am no longer with the Gorean Master as I believe them to be a healthy foundation for a slave.

Happy Mother's Day!

Dearest, sweet anonymous....

She asks....

I have only just begun my training following a long intense and passionate verbal courting. We have shared our commitment as master husband and submissive wife to be together in all things as we explore this new life together. Only the past few days he has been distant, many things on his mind. I feel cut off, insecure, yet I stride to master my emotions and paranoia. Is this part of my training? He is very busy with family issues. Perhaps this is merely the vanilla part of the life we straddle between normal and master and submissive? Should I relax, be silent, patient? He is so strong, and I want to be there for him, but I do not wish to overstep my sub bounds. Should I be worried? Thoughts are greatly appreciated.

I have written these words myself at one time or another...

In fact, the insecurity still creeps in when I'm not under his direct attention. I wonder why is it he loves me so? What is it about me that makes him want to own my body, mind heart and soul? I try to see what he sees in me, but it's hard.

The one thing I have learned is that sometimes (vanilla) life just gets in the way, and when we are able to resume our relationship I realize that all the insecurity and all the doubt I felt was completely unfounded and just in my head, and I vow never to let it creep back in again.... yet I do...Luckily I have some wonderful friends who are always willing to screw on my wonky head when it falls off.

Have faith in what you have with your Master. Know that his words are true, and remain true even when he is not with you. Try your best to remain calm and patient, and focus on doing things you know will please him. If he is under stress or burdened in some way, think of ways you can ease this for him and bring him peace. Put your energy into these things, and not into the insecurity feeding on this temporary silence.

Keep reaching out, sweet anonymous girl....we are here for you... and I promise it will all be alright, and you are not alone.

The Real Thing...

Thank you for participating in the poll, and thank you, Cleo, for the mention on your blog.

It looks as if what we mostly seek real life D/s encounters on the web. I agree and read many sites written by folks living the lifestyle full time. (Thanks for sharing!)

Most of us at one point or another, need to put our kink aside and go forth into the vanilla world, whether it is to work, or food shop or attend a meeting at a child's school. In fact many of us express our kink in secrecy, hidden from our friends and family, and even our spouses.

I have had the pleasure of meeting in real life like kinky folk from the net. Some have been other writers of sites, and some have been avid readers. What fascinates me most about them when we meet is hearing about their vanilla lives. What they do for a living, where they live, about their children, that sort of thing. In fact, it seems we hardly talk about "kink" at all, and the conversation is quite typical of any random conversation one could have with someone during the day, yet I am utterly fascinated because I know......

I know what they do when they go home and leave their typical lives at the door and enter their private dungeons. I know that they spend their evenings either spanking or being spanked clad in leather while the children sleep. I have read blow by blow accounts of their most illustrious sexual encounters. I know what makes them cum and why and how many times.

It is also quite validating to know that there are others like myself out there.

What are you looking for?

I am always looking for ways to enhance our world...

I have created a little poll over there on the sidebar, in which I hope you will take a moment to vote.

I am curious about what it is you want out here in the big world wide web. Where does your cursor go first? What juicy tidbits do you seek?

I know for myself my desires have evolved over the years and I don't frequent the places I once did. I also know that there are a few places I could not live without!

In other news I have started another series on Dragonfly Geisha called The Bride, which I hope you will find titillating and perhaps even cum worthy... I'm not sure how far the series will go, I have to say I am having a great deal of fun with little Emmaline, and the ideas for her... erotic evolution are flooding my mind (and my panties).

I am finishing up the book and have started the editing process... (as the layers of this tale continue to unfold, truly having a life of it's own)...

xo
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Dear Uncle Agony...

A wonderful friend of mine, Pygar, has recently started a new site called Uncle Agony. When I first saw the title I thought for sure it was a place where he was going to share with us his more sadistic tendencies!

Apparently, Pygar had been receiving a great deal of mail from folks seeking advice and support and he thought it time to share. I think it's a brilliant idea, and am a huge proponent of sharing stories.

And here I thought I was the only one who went running to him with my tears....

Shoe

I think what bothered me the most about that stranger's phone call is that her sentiment was something I harbor about myself in the darkest corner of my mind. It was unnerving to have it wrenched out into the open and recorded on my cell phone. Even though her voice was unknown to me, the words were not. In fact, the words she used are words, when said to me by another, would send me zooming in so many ways. Maybe it was the way she took those precious words and used them to spew her hatred.

We are often hardest on ourselves in life. Far more punishing than even the cruelest Master, which is why I think we seek that external control at times. I have often said to Him that I pray his dominant strength is stronger than the sadist in my head. I work very hard to control those thoughts. I don't mean to insinuate that I am self-loathing, but I am a bit of a perfectionist, and tend to demand that of myself. I will not accept limits for achievement, and know that I can always do better.

Sometimes it's best to just ride out the emotion and then move on, and that's what I am doing about that mysterious call.

I do feel, however, as if the other shoe is going to drop... let's just hope it's not one by Vivienne Westwood, and not dropped on my head.

Thank you for your kind words of reassurance and love.