Shoe

I think what bothered me the most about that stranger's phone call is that her sentiment was something I harbor about myself in the darkest corner of my mind. It was unnerving to have it wrenched out into the open and recorded on my cell phone. Even though her voice was unknown to me, the words were not. In fact, the words she used are words, when said to me by another, would send me zooming in so many ways. Maybe it was the way she took those precious words and used them to spew her hatred.

We are often hardest on ourselves in life. Far more punishing than even the cruelest Master, which is why I think we seek that external control at times. I have often said to Him that I pray his dominant strength is stronger than the sadist in my head. I work very hard to control those thoughts. I don't mean to insinuate that I am self-loathing, but I am a bit of a perfectionist, and tend to demand that of myself. I will not accept limits for achievement, and know that I can always do better.

Sometimes it's best to just ride out the emotion and then move on, and that's what I am doing about that mysterious call.

I do feel, however, as if the other shoe is going to drop... let's just hope it's not one by Vivienne Westwood, and not dropped on my head.

Thank you for your kind words of reassurance and love.

10 seconds...

That is how long it took for a stranger to throw my world into a tail spin. One message, a venomous, angry message from an anonymous stranger letting me know how much hatred I have inspired in them. So much so, they found it necessary to call me and tell me, or leave a message for me to find. I truly can't imagine who would say such a thing to me, but it was someone I know because they said my real name. I can't imagine why they would say what they said, since I am a fairly private person, and certainly keep my vanilla and chocolate chip mint lives quite separate, but perhaps I've been careless. I don't know. I just know that I feel threatened and wounded and frightened.

But I guess that was the point... sigh....

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

Brava Peggy...

Pencils Ready!!

It's always a good thing to learn more about yourself and your relationships, especially those involved in the D/s realm.

I am often fascinated by the fact that there is always a HUGE body of people out there with whom I share similar thoughts and experiences, especially when I felt as if I was the only one out there like me. I think about how great it would have been if I had some way to access information all those years ago to understand myself better.

One thing the Internet has most certainly taught me is that I am not alone..

So... in the spirit of knowledge and sharing, I offer you some informative links I have found

Submissive Loving

This site is very informative and covers a variety of topics for both the Dominant and the submissive. It's often a good idea to read both perspectives regardless of the role you assume in your relationship to gain insight and understanding of your partners experiences.

Her Owner

I particularly like these articles for new Dom:

How to train your slave...

Education

I like this site a great deal. It is great a great source with lots of information. The articles are crisp and concise and the advice sound.

oh, and it has great cartoons... love these!!!

Perfect for those of us who love to pore over the Sunday comics with our cuppas!

And last, but certainly not least...

The lustful quality of watching her erotic demise

Deity gently takes you by the hand and leads you through the wonderful labyrinth that is his salaciously brilliant mind. Each purposeful word he carefully crafts excites, informs and educates.

I especially like his posts on training.

Treat yourself and peruse!

I would love to hear what you think of these resources. Feedback is most certainly always welcome, and please let me know of other resources out there you think would be good! I will collect these and put a section on the sidebar for referencing.

Happy reading... xoxo

and...

Class... Dismissed!!!

And for the record...

If I were so lucky to receive this gift from Santa Timberlake, I would be pretty thrilled!!!!!

hee hee

Yin and Yang

I don't consider myself having fetishes.

I am just me.

I enjoy connecting with others, feeling their power and strength and vulnerability and pleasure. I have explored both my dominant and submissive side, as I feel both exist, and are prominent in turn.

I don't believe anyone is purely anything. To let go of the ego is to evolve and this is done on both sides, dominant and submissive. Offering someone a safe haven so that they can fully let go and trust, and to know that you have been a conduit to their deeper sense of self is an amazing human gift.

I think it's about connection. Deep meaningful connection that transcends the flesh and delves into the darkest corners of the mind and soul. We crave it, and cannot access it alone.

But this connection is fluid, and ever changing, which is hard sometimes to reconcile in a world we have come to create filled with rules and protocols. It doesn't fit, and it causes us to wonder, can it truly exist at all? Is what we have come to believe our chosen reality, our way of life just an illusion?

Life is constantly changing and unpredictable for all of us. The only true safety is the safety we feel in the moment we are in, if we happen to be experiencing it at all. It is always in motion, and will not adhere to rules or protocol or lifestyles we fashion.

It's the Yin and Yang of our lives.

*sigh*

So what is a girl to do?