Sunday, June 27, 2010

Stages of Submission

I read about 150 blogs and sites of folks involved in the lifestyle, and although each and everyone of us is beautifully unique, the one thing we all seem to have in common is our quest to evolve and grow.

I have been thinking about the stages of submission.... How one goes from being totally "vanilla" (or believing they are) to realizing that they are anything and everything but vanilla.  I looked for some information written about this, and found this, which I thought helpful.

According to the site, there are 7 stages of (what they call) Kinky/BDSM growth

Stage 1: The initial discovery stage.

Where and when one finds out about one's own feelings and emotions, related to erotic power exchange are often discovered in a very early (sometimes pre-puberty) stage, although they may either emerge or develop at a later stage as well.

Stage 2: The fear-stage

The uncertainty plus social factors will usually lead to fear about one's feelings and emotions and may lead to shorter or longer periods of seclusion.

Stage 3: The "first steps stage"

Where one will start to experiment (with oneself), read, and search for information, even as they keep their fantasies and dreams to themselves, people will start to experiment, quite often on themselves, often actively incorporating both the dominant and submissive roles in themselves.

Stage 4: The reaching out stage

Where one tries to find others.

Stage 5: The reconciliation stage

Where one comes to grips with one's fantasies and starts to understand them.

Stage 6: The partner-search stage

Within an existing relationship or finding a new one.

Stage 7: The revolving stage

Where one grows, learns, experiments, grows again, etc.

I think this is pretty accurate, at least in my experience it seems to apply. The site's home page is "under construction" so I wasn't able to actually credit it's author. If anyone knows who wrote this please let me know.

I'm going to be exploring these stages and comparing them with my experience, and I would be honored to include any contribution you would like to make.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Been busy....

First of all, I want to thank you from the very bottom of my salacious heart for your encouraging comments and email. I love to hear from you and I am so grateful you want to hear from me too.... I am here, I am well... I've just been a bit... busy.... ;)

Actually, that isn't entirely true... Life hasn't been particularly busier than usual, I have just been allowing myself to get lost in its details for a while.  I find the pull of D/s and all its gifts a bit much sometimes, and since my expression in this world is clandestine, I can lose site of my reality at times.

I need it, and I know this, but I wanted to see if I could live without it. I needed to stand on my own for a while and find my footing again.

I am not good at balancing, I'm just not. I have come to accept this about myself. I'm not an all or nothing kinda gal, but I definitely swing for the bleachers every time I'm up at bat, and sometimes that is a bad thing.

I am easily consumed by all things dark and delicious which is in such stark contrast to my reality that the light can be unbearable, and that is what was happening. I know I am not alone in this, so many of you brave and beautiful souls have shared your stories, which have sustained me and others.. thank you for that...

I think I'm close though. Closer than I have been ever. Which is where my new toy fits snugly in. I purchased it as a sign of liberation in my everyday life, and much to my surprise, it was well received by my partner and offered us a tool with which to play reminding us that sex can be just that... play... I think things were getting to serious in that department. Everyday issues were being worked out in the bedroom and that is not such a good thing.

I purchased the Hitachi because it seems to be so popular and highly reviewed, although I have to say, I think it a bit much. I really thought I'd like it a lot more than I do. I guess nothing beats my amazingly talented fingers, so why try? ;)