Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I notice that when some women speak of a woman they don't particularly like, they refer to her as a whore and sneer showing their disdain for such a person. Having been called a whore, myself in the vanilla world, and in my beloved chocolate chip world, I raise an eyebrow the comment.
Why is a woman's sexual self called into question and judged when the issue at hand has nothing at all to do with her sex life? Why are people...why are women, so threatened by other women who exude even the smallest bit of sensuality?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I can't compartmentalize. Not enough to find the peace I need to live. I need permission, I need to know that what I am doing is ok, that it is allowed. I need that as much as I need to be at His feet serving His needs, and I know that I will never be "allowed" or "permitted" to do so. I know that just asking the question will obliterate everything around me.
This is a puzzle, a conundrum that I have been trying to resolve for years and years. Maybe there is an answer, I'm sure there is, but it is not revealing itself to me, and I wonder if that is not the answer in itself. Maybe I'm not to know the answer or find it or live it. Maybe it's a big screaming message to me from the universe. I don't know...
What I do know is that my heart is very very heavy.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
You still fuck with your cock, that's why.
You say the same thing to me
that you said to me decades
nothing has changed.
nothing has evolved.
YOU have not
evolved, or at least
your cock has not.
Your erection should reach far beyond your fleshy cock
and into your mind finding your deepest darkest desires
and setting them free.
Your mind is the biggest
juiciest cock of all and you are not
fucking me with it.
Instead of giving me
the wrath of your beastly brain,
you are teasing me
with you boyish bravado,
which will always be.
and fall short.
I need a man.
me with your cock,
and start fucking me
with your brain.
and then I will cum... and cum hard.
Monday, August 24, 2009
I need him to take me to that place only he knows the map to, and to guide me through its darkness to where my self hides. I need his hands and slaps and whispers and force. His breath in my ear, his teeth on my neck, his belt on my flesh. I spend a lot of time pretending I don't need these things, pretending that it doesn't matter. It's the only way I can exist peacefully in my world without him, but it is still just pretending.
Think of what I am going to do you and make yourself cum.. was the second message he sent.
And I obeyed...
Fingers circling the wet and wanton folds, my mind swirled with thoughts of his use. Of his forcing his cock deep into my throat, of his hands gripping my neck tighter and tighter rendering me helpless, rendering me His. Pushing and pulling my body to meet his needs and desires.
Fingers pinching and pulling hardened nipples, my mind swirled with thoughts of his use. Of his hand slapping my ass and cunt harder and harder with each blow as he tells me not to move, reveling in my inability to possibly obey such a command, and punishing me for that.
Thoughts swirling visions of deep forceful penetration, complete control of everything I am and will be, of crawling to his feet and begging for more, Master, more....
Yes, yes.... I need you to use your whore, Master and use use her hard.... please......
Thursday, August 6, 2009
It’s a sad, but true, reality for those of us who want and need spankings in our relationships: most attempts at getting our partners to spank us fail. (Of course, given that most relationships in general fail, this is hardly a shocking piece of news.)
The internet is littered with spanking blogs that start full of promise and excitement (almost always written by women who want their partners to spank them), and are then abandoned weeks, months or in a few cases, years after they begin, when the spankings or the entire relationship have dwindled to nothing. Forums and online communities are full of posts from people (again, mostly women) who tried and failed to make spanking work with their partners. And I get emails regularly from men and women who started out great with their spanking partners—then things went horribly wrong.
When spanking in a relationship doesn’t work, both parties wind up discouraged and frustrated. She feels hurt, rejected and discouraged, and doesn’t understand why he let her down, and he feels like he did his best and doesn’t have a clue what he did wrong.
The common thread among most of these “un-success” stories seems to come down to one thing: that each partner comes to the experience with a radically different expectation of the place of spanking in the relationship.
More specifically, almost without exception, the spankee’s disappointment comes from her expectation that spanking will be as important to her partner as it is to her.
As her partner, you may be excited about the prospect of spanking her, or at the very least willing to explore it. And you may genuinely and with all your heart understand how important spanking is to her happiness and be willing to make it happen.
But the reality is that, unless you, as the spanker, were already interested in spanking before you came to the relationship, the odds are that spanking will probably not be anywhere near as important to you as it is to her (at least not at the beginning – as you begin to experience the benefits we talked about in the prior chapter, you may find spanking becomes very important to you).
For her, spanking is probably a huge part of who she is. For you, it’s more likely to be something that you occasionally enjoy and that may turn you on, but not something that you require for your happiness and well-being.
That means that, for example, you can probably give her a spanking, then put the whole thing aside and go on with your life without thinking about it at all for awhile. Not so for her.
For her, particularly once you’ve actually started spanking together, no matter how enthusiastically you spank in the moment, she will probably take this ability of yours to spank and move on as a sign that you aren’t really interested, that you think it’s stupid or boring, that you don’t care about her or that you don’t realize how important it is (or all of the above).
Most people who want spankings have a very difficult time understanding and accepting this dramatic difference in interest levels. Time and time again, I hear from women who are frustrated that their partner isn’t giving their spanking life together the same time, attention and enthusiasm that she is.
To make matters worse, this problem seems on the surface to be irresolvable. How can you possibly make yourself be as interested in spanking as someone who has been fantasizing (obsessing?) about it since they were a kid?
Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell you that you have to spend the same amount of time, energy and enthusiasm on spanking as your partner does for all of this to work. It’s probably not realistic that you will. While you can certainly come to appreciate spanking, ultimately spanking is her “thing,” not yours, and probably to some extent may always be. And while it is important in a relationship to give time and attention to what your partner wants, the reality is that it’s not fair or reasonable to expect that you will give spanking the same time and attention that your partner does.
To understand and be able to manage the dramatically different expectations the two of you will probably have with regard to spanking, you need to understand why she expects you to prioritize spanking the way she does. The more you understand her way of thinking, the easier it will be to give her what she wants without having to pretend to be someone you’re not.
So let’s look more closely at why your partner may expect you to care as much about spanking as she does.
First, much of this expectation on her part that you will make spanking a priority is built into the idea of spanking itself.
For many of us, a large part of the appeal of spanking is that it takes us back to the safety of childhood, when (in reality or in fantasy) a loving parent made us the center of their universe and made our needs their first priority. This perfect, attentive parent (who in almost all cases is probably more of a fantasy than a reality) always paid attention to what we were doing, always cared enough to teach us right from wrong and always spanked us when we needed it, no matter what else they were doing at the time.
Rationally, we all know that even the best parents aren’t that consistent in their attention, and that most parents fall far short of this utopian ideal. But the need and desire for spankings isn’t rooted in rationality. It’s rooted in deep and unfulfilled primal needs for that kind of love, consistency and attention. (That’s one of the reasons why it goes so much deeper than a simple “fetish.”)
This connection of spanking to an unmet, primal need to be loved and protected by a parent is why it’s natural and understandable that your partner will expect—consciously or subconsciously—that same level of consistency, attention and devotion from you when it comes to spanking. Especially once she has part of the fantasy – the spankings themselves – it’s easy for her to get caught up in the experience and expect the other part of the fantasy – the consistent and single-minded attention.
Of course, your partner isn’t a child, and even if she were, most children don’t get anywhere near that level of consistent love and attention. Which means that her expectations, however understandable, are probably not going to be something that you – or anyone – can realistically fulfill.
The second reason your partner may expect you to care as much about spanking as she does is quite simply that, when we love and care about somebody and they love and care about us, we often expect them to have the same priorities that we do.
This is, of course, a common source of tension in any relationship, spanking or not. She expects him to care as much about having kids as she does, and when he doesn’t, she feels betrayed. Or he doesn’t understand why she’s not thrilled that he’s presented her with two courtside seats to see his favorite basketball team on their anniversary. Maybe she wants him to spend a romantic weekend in Paris because it’s her favorite city, but he wants her to prefer to go camping with him because the outdoors is where he feels most at home. And so on and so on.
Spanking is no exception. Because she wants and needs it so much, it’s understandable that she would expect and want you to feel the same way.
The third major reason your partner may be expecting more from you when it comes to spanking than you are realistically willing or able to give is that women tend to expect men to care more about maintaining the relationship in general than men are willing or able to do.
The same part of her that expects you to: remember her birthday, Valentine’s Day, the anniversary of your first date, your engagement anniversary and your wedding anniversary, notice that she’s wearing new shoes, cut her hair, lost five pounds, is wearing a new shade of eyeliner, be happy about taking time off during an important project at work to go away for the weekend, spend the night at a romantic restaurant with her instead of at the hockey game, cuddle her after sex and help choose the flowers for the wedding… is the part of her that expects you to care as much about spanking as she does.
Most women in particular don’t want to hear this, but as a man, you will probably never give the same time and attention to your relationship that a woman does, and fighting that is likely to do nothing more than cause pain and frustration on both sides in an otherwise good and loving relationship.
Not surprisingly, the reason for this difference in priorities goes back to that “lizard brain” of ours. You remember that brain, right? The one that hasn’t changed as much as we’d like to think since caveman days, when men’s primary function was to go out and get meat for their families, and women’s primary function was to hang out at the cave with the other women, cook the meals, raise the kids and foster connections to family and community?
For the past several millennia, right up until now, then, the primary responsibility for maintaining the emotional and relationship ties to the family and community has fallen to the female. And again, remember, just a few decades of politically correct egalitarian philosophies are no match for millions of years of primal instinct. In short, men expect to bring home the bacon. They don’t expect to have to talk about feelings while it’s being prepared.
Okay, so it’s fairly easy to see why your partner may go into all this spanking stuff with unrealistic expectations. But short of rearranging your entire life to accommodate her spanking passions, what’s to be done about it?
The good news here is that once you understand what it is that she really wants from you with regard to spanking, there are some easy, specific ways of signaling to her that you haven’t abandoned her – ways that you can use without having to devote excessive time and energy to filling her spanking needs.
In this chapter, we’re going to step through the seven things that are most important to your partner when it comes to spanking. We’ll also talk about the most common ways that your partner is likely to feel disappointed by a spanking. And finally, we’ll talk about some easy, low-maintenance ways of fulfilling her expectations, avoiding disappointments and experiencing spanking as a way to enrich your relationship–all without forcing you to make spanking a major priority in your life.
So let’s look at her first spanking desire…
For more information about purchasing this book, click here to visit Variant Books website!
As he holds his beautiful girl, he feels proud of you for being honest and completely opening up to him. He loves you with all his heart and realizes he has never felt closer to you than he does at this very moment. He is moved by the look of peace on your face and loves and that he had some part in that peace existing. He vows in his mind to do the best he can to give you what you need.
He sighs, and thinks, "Ok, now what?"
Well, now you print out Viv's companion book, "How to Give a Spanking: Advice from the Receiving End," and continue the journey together!
"If your partner has shared with you a desire to be spanked, congratulations. Whether you realize it yet or not, you have just been given a great gift. Several, in fact."
Once again Viv presents an amazing step by step guide written for the couple looking to explore the wonderful world of consensual spanking.
"The love, trust and intimacy that can develop between a couple when spankings are part of the relationship is often deeper, richer, and more lasting than almost any other type of bond between two people."
Viv explains to the spanker the psychology behind their partner's needs as well as the untapped potential waiting for them that consensual spanking can bring about. Her engaging words ease the reader into fully understanding how to deliver what their partner has asked of them and addresses many of issues that may arise.
"If you can learn to give your partner the spankings she wants, you will be among a small, elite, and deeply appreciated group of men who have a skill and an understanding into the female heart that few possess."
I think Viv's books are an excellent resource, and I wish I could have read them years ago, when I was just beginning to come to terms with my own needs and desires. Viv explains the dynamic between a consensual spanking couple by dissecting the components involved so one can truly understand and overcome any doubt or fear. She helps the reader understand why they feel they way they do rather than just saying that it's just the way one is 'wired' as much of the literature out there does. Her words are incredibly validating and her perspective and advice is something with which I can relate.
For more information about purchasing this book, click here to visit Variant Books website!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
of your own creation
fighting to keep the wind and rain
from stinging your face,
the sun shines bright and beautifully for those you scorn,
It is your own shadow you fear,
your own tail you chase,
your own self-hatred that you choke upon
your own darkness that keeps the light from your soul.
It is the blood from your own forehead
dripping into your clouded eyes you see,
the wound caused by your constant ramming
into your own closed door.
I will pray for you,
and hope that one day you can live peacefully,
with open windows and soft breezes,
and thrive in a safe home
where the door will never close.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
It's not an easy thing to do necessarily. In fact, if someone were to peer into my boudoir window on such occasion I'm sure I'd hear them chuckle as I contort and bend my body to ensure perfection.. or or maybe that's just me. Who knows? I don't usually bring up these matters with friends over lunch.
I'm in a funny place in my head.
I feel like I am fighting for every breath I take. I am much more at peace in the rare silence of my world, and in quiet of my mind. It's where I can be who I truly am and where my thoughts are free to roam. It's when I have to actually be who I am in this life, that I find myself choking.
Matching the inside to the outside seems impossible these days, which is probably why I decided to spend the whole morning perfecting the flesh. It's easier to examine one's outside then it is to examine one's inside, no? And the truth is, I know the answer to the question asked time and time again.
Where am I going?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I was shocked.
No, this isn't going to be about MJ, although I thought it a very nice service, and if you missed any part of it, just turn on the tele right now and guaranteed some portion of it is airing again.
I was shocked by 2 commercials. The advertisement for these items wasn't something we haven't seen thousands of times. A phony scenario that is supposed to represent a typical life, a demonstration of how their product will make your life spectacular, followed by the repetitive drone of the announcer telling you how to get this product immediately. These products do not spin your salad or organize your closet, they are sexual enhancing items.
The Flirty Girl Work Out complete with "fitness pole."
Really? A "fitness pole?" So when someone comes into my home and sees my
And how about the little "fingertip massager" from Trojan? Looks a lot like this, no?
I recommend you watch this commercial which is on the above posted link for the product. I love the way the snooty bank teller informs the young girls that she has one. It reminded me of the start of a porno flick that could have been categorized as "mature lesbian threesome" or something like that, and are women really "afraid" of talking about sexual devices? I am also curious to know what she whispered to her friend.
I really loved how these items were thrown right out there in the daylight and commercially normalized. I can't wait to see what will cross over next!!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
"... the need for a spanking is usually a much deeper and more insistent need than just a passing fantasy that didn't turn out well. In fact, it might be more accurate to compare our need to be spanked with our sexual orientation."
I had the pleasure of reading this book, and offer you the following review:
In this book, Vivian presents a very realistic approach for the submissive person to bring into their reality that which they may have felt impossible to attain. She discusses the internal and external aspects and obstacles of acquiring and providing adult spanking. It is written for the submissive who yearns for this experience yet does not know how to affect it in her life.
"If you aren't able to love and accept the part of you that wants and needs spankings, you're not going to be able to relax enough to communicate as clearly and specifically as you'll need to to get the spanking you want, and what's more, your partner won't feel safe or comfortable spanking you. "
She addresses the important issues to be considered when exploring this journey with a partner. Vivian gently leads you through each step of the process, and helps you sort through what it is you need, how to approach your partner and how to get the spanking you desire.
"Getting your partner to spank you requires learning to communicate honestly and clearly and maturely about your spanking needs."
Overall, this book addresses everything from sitting in your boudoir fantasizing about being over his knee to actually being over his knee and beyond. This is an excellent reference for those coming to terms with these desires and looking to bring them into their reality, and for those who are currently practicing adult spanking with their partner.
For more information about purchasing this book, click here to visit Variant Books website!
Monday, May 11, 2009
1) i will never manipulate Master. i will not make a scene go the way i feel it should to fulfill my own desire or will. i will not undermine what my Master is seeking to accomplish and i will never push my ego ahead of his agenda.
3.) i will not let my fear overwhelm me and i will keep an open mind about trying things that i am not comfortable with and expanding my limits. i will have complete faith in what Master wants for me and i will continue to grow as a slave and as a human being.
4.) i will accept the responsibility of discovering what pleases my Master, and will always be mindful of his wishes and desires. i will always do my best to fulfill these, and to always be found pleasing. i will not question his position of authority.
5.) i will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, even by myself. i will communicate my fears, concerns and preferences at appropriate times and in a respectful manner and i will speak up quickly if i feel that genuine harm or distress could occur.
6.) i will be completely open and responsive to my Master. i will not try to hide what my mind and body are feeling so that he may realize full authority over me. i know that He is not a telepath, and i will not expect him to know thoughts or feelings. i will volunteer information and provide feedback without being prompted to do so. He expects me to share my heart and soul, therefore i will.
7.) i know that my actions reflect upon my Master, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way. i will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master and i will always act worthy of him. i will wear my title of slave with honor, and i will never cause others to think that being slave means to be weak or sub-human. i will take pride in who and what i am and will never show myself in a negative way. i will always carry myself in a way that would make Master proud.
8.) i will always be obedient to my Master. i realize he has my best interests at heart and often knows better than i what i need in a particular situation. i will not resist.
9.) When there is a doubt about an instruction or clarity is needed, i will ask. Master will determine whether or not to answer. i will never be punished for asking a question respectfully.
10.) i will always use my intelligence to fulfill Master's requirements. i will actively keep my mind sharp and continue learning. i will keep myself challenged intellectually by reading and other activities and i will hone my intuitive skills so that i may better serve Master's will. i will not become cognitively lazy and complacent.
I still live by these rules even though I am no longer with the Gorean Master as I believe them to be a healthy foundation for a slave.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I have only just begun my training following a long intense and passionate verbal courting. We have shared our commitment as master husband and submissive wife to be together in all things as we explore this new life together. Only the past few days he has been distant, many things on his mind. I feel cut off, insecure, yet I stride to master my emotions and paranoia. Is this part of my training? He is very busy with family issues. Perhaps this is merely the vanilla part of the life we straddle between normal and master and submissive? Should I relax, be silent, patient? He is so strong, and I want to be there for him, but I do not wish to overstep my sub bounds. Should I be worried? Thoughts are greatly appreciated.
I have written these words myself at one time or another...
In fact, the insecurity still creeps in when I'm not under his direct attention. I wonder why is it he loves me so? What is it about me that makes him want to own my body, mind heart and soul? I try to see what he sees in me, but it's hard.
The one thing I have learned is that sometimes (vanilla) life just gets in the way, and when we are able to resume our relationship I realize that all the insecurity and all the doubt I felt was completely unfounded and just in my head, and I vow never to let it creep back in again.... yet I do...Luckily I have some wonderful friends who are always willing to screw on my wonky head when it falls off.
Have faith in what you have with your Master. Know that his words are true, and remain true even when he is not with you. Try your best to remain calm and patient, and focus on doing things you know will please him. If he is under stress or burdened in some way, think of ways you can ease this for him and bring him peace. Put your energy into these things, and not into the insecurity feeding on this temporary silence.
Keep reaching out, sweet anonymous girl....we are here for you... and I promise it will all be alright, and you are not alone.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
It looks as if what we mostly seek real life D/s encounters on the web. I agree and read many sites written by folks living the lifestyle full time. (Thanks for sharing!)
Most of us at one point or another, need to put our kink aside and go forth into the vanilla world, whether it is to work, or food shop or attend a meeting at a child's school. In fact many of us express our kink in secrecy, hidden from our friends and family, and even our spouses.
I have had the pleasure of meeting in real life like kinky folk from the net. Some have been other writers of sites, and some have been avid readers. What fascinates me most about them when we meet is hearing about their vanilla lives. What they do for a living, where they live, about their children, that sort of thing. In fact, it seems we hardly talk about "kink" at all, and the conversation is quite typical of any random conversation one could have with someone during the day, yet I am utterly fascinated because I know......
I know what they do when they go home and leave their typical lives at the door and enter their private dungeons. I know that they spend their evenings either spanking or being spanked clad in leather while the children sleep. I have read blow by blow accounts of their most illustrious sexual encounters. I know what makes them cum and why and how many times.
It is also quite validating to know that there are others like myself out there.
Monday, April 27, 2009
I am always looking for ways to enhance our world...
I have created a little poll over there on the sidebar, in which I hope you will take a moment to vote.
I am curious about what it is you want out here in the big world wide web. Where does your cursor go first? What juicy tidbits do you seek?
I know for myself my desires have evolved over the years and I don't frequent the places I once did. I also know that there are a few places I could not live without!
In other news I have started another series on Dragonfly Geisha called The Bride, which I hope you will find titillating and perhaps even cum worthy... I'm not sure how far the series will go, I have to say I am having a great deal of fun with little Emmaline, and the ideas for her... erotic evolution are flooding my mind (and my panties).
I am finishing up the book and have started the editing process... (as the layers of this tale continue to unfold, truly having a life of it's own)...
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Apparently, Pygar had been receiving a great deal of mail from folks seeking advice and support and he thought it time to share. I think it's a brilliant idea, and am a huge proponent of sharing stories.
And here I thought I was the only one who went running to him with my tears....
Sunday, April 19, 2009
We are often hardest on ourselves in life. Far more punishing than even the cruelest Master, which is why I think we seek that external control at times. I have often said to Him that I pray his dominant strength is stronger than the sadist in my head. I work very hard to control those thoughts. I don't mean to insinuate that I am self-loathing, but I am a bit of a perfectionist, and tend to demand that of myself. I will not accept limits for achievement, and know that I can always do better.
Sometimes it's best to just ride out the emotion and then move on, and that's what I am doing about that mysterious call.
I do feel, however, as if the other shoe is going to drop... let's just hope it's not one by Vivienne Westwood, and not dropped on my head.
Thank you for your kind words of reassurance and love.
Friday, April 10, 2009
That is how long it took for a stranger to throw my world into a tail spin. One message, a venomous, angry message from an anonymous stranger letting me know how much hatred I have inspired in them. So much so, they found it necessary to call me and tell me, or leave a message for me to find. I truly can't imagine who would say such a thing to me, but it was someone I know because they said my real name. I can't imagine why they would say what they said, since I am a fairly private person, and certainly keep my vanilla and chocolate chip mint lives quite separate, but perhaps I've been careless. I don't know. I just know that I feel threatened and wounded and frightened.
But I guess that was the point... sigh....
Sunday, February 1, 2009
It's always a good thing to learn more about yourself and your relationships, especially those involved in the D/s realm.
I am often fascinated by the fact that there is always a HUGE body of people out there with whom I share similar thoughts and experiences, especially when I felt as if I was the only one out there like me. I think about how great it would have been if I had some way to access information all those years ago to understand myself better.
One thing the Internet has most certainly taught me is that I am not alone..
So... in the spirit of knowledge and sharing, I offer you some informative links I have found
This site is very informative and covers a variety of topics for both the Dominant and the submissive. It's often a good idea to read both perspectives regardless of the role you assume in your relationship to gain insight and understanding of your partners experiences.
I particularly like these articles for new Dom:
How to train your slave...
I like this site a great deal. It is great a great source with lots of information. The articles are crisp and concise and the advice sound.
oh, and it has great cartoons... love these!!!
Perfect for those of us who love to pore over the Sunday comics with our cuppas!
And last, but certainly not least...
The lustful quality of watching her erotic demise
Deity gently takes you by the hand and leads you through the wonderful labyrinth that is his salaciously brilliant mind. Each purposeful word he carefully crafts excites, informs and educates.
I especially like his posts on training.
Treat yourself and peruse!
I would love to hear what you think of these resources. Feedback is most certainly always welcome, and please let me know of other resources out there you think would be good! I will collect these and put a section on the sidebar for referencing.
Happy reading... xoxo