Monday, April 28, 2008

#3 How do you manage your lifestyle with your vanilla world?

  1. we mostly keep to ourselves
  2. they meld together nicely, some vanilla peeps in my life know, others do not. It is not all that hard to be what one is in the vanilla world if it is honestly felt from within the soul
  3. Just living a heartfelt life
  4. I am not out, very few people know about the dynamics of my relationship or my preferences. In my daily life, I am not submissive at all.
  5. I keep the two separate. No one in my vanilla life knows about my other side.
  6. I keep it hidden. it's just between my pet and me
  7. I can no longer do vanilla sex. As for friends, we are a normal couple outside, though some close friends know I am no longer a strong head.
  8. The two shall never meet or know anything about the other.
  9. Until this year, entirely closeted. A temporary ex-pat move has allowed me the experience of being more "out," which I relish. I worry about and do not look forward to returning to a closeted lifestyle.
  10. Fairly easy since we are 1. pretty new to this AND we are pretty relaxed with the lifestyle.
  11. both are kept separate
  12. it meshes - neither of needs elaborate gestures to "prove" to anyone else teh way in which we interact - i.e. I may kneel to him in private but any more than either of us ever were interested flamboyant and attention-seeking gestures outside our personal space. Ensuring his needs are met is not so different in any relationship.
  13. i have a journal, which i write from home. my partner isn't D/s, although he knows i am. he doesn't know about my journal. i would say i keep my vanilla world and my lifestyle fairly separate
  15. i am who i am as far as being submissive; i don't hide anything. We do not however, expose everyone to our M/s.
  16. I am employed outside the household as a middle school teacher, and I am extremely discreet about my lifestyle choices. My Master is proud of my professional work, and my career contributes significantly to the financial werewithal of our family. It is important that I perform those duties well and that I maintain that position without compromise. It is sometimes a challenge to balance the two halves of my life, but it is a necessary part of living as I choose.
  17. I have kept it very separate and private. I hope to change that incrementally. Not sure how that will work.
  18. I am fortunate in that I am not asked to work so have very little vanilla interference. My friends know the type of relationship I am in so that is not a problem. I made a choice to be a slave over being a mother (and have looked for similarly minded owners accordingly) so that is not an interference either. When I go out to shop I look like a feminine, graceful, deferring lady with an interesting metal choker. I think being a slave has made me a more polite member of society actually. I am glad I do not have to juggle the different aspects and responsibilities and can focus on my owner entirely.
  19. Some of my close friends, vanilla, know about my lifestyle. Other than that, no one does. My work is seperate.
  20. The D/s nature of our relationship is private and conducted in private. We are outwardly vanilla to the rest of the world.
  21. i am fortunate enough to be able to have very little vanilla, and 99% lifestyle.
  22. No problem. I function perfectly well in the vanilla world. My vanilla friends are unaware of ny BDSM life.
  23. Very easily, as it is constrained mostly to the bedroom. I defer to my Master for most decisions, but otherwise our vanilla day-to-day activities are completely unaffected.
  24. It's actually quite easy considering that only very few people know about my submissive nature. I can keep each separate with ease.
  25. I have actually started noticing that maybe the world is not as vanilla as it lets on. I have also learned that when you get stopped by a policeman you can get out of a ticket more easily if you go completely submissive. In fact, all men respond very well to being treated with respect & courtesy.
  26. Secrecy
  27. My dominance is generally focused around relationships with women. My wife is a submissive and out lifestyle together is a head of household, taken in hand style. I have passing relationships with other submissive women but the are most alway clandestine.
  28. that has yet to be seen...too new yet.
  29. it can be hard as most wouldn't understand. We keep it to ourselves, but I am sure my friends wonder why he makes the decisions
  30. it can be hard as most wouldn't understand. We keep it to ourselves, but I am sure my friends wonder why he makes the decisions
  31. I just keep it to myself most people have no clue. As for me I work with my Master and live any normal life with a twist.
  32. I'm pretty new to all of this, so right now, it is completely separate. The kinky bits are more acceptable than trying to explain power exchange. But I hope to eventually be able to meld the two.
  33. Don't see any difficulty, should there be?
  34. my friends and family know about the man who owns and loves me, but not about the D/s. they do know that he controls my bedtimes, which is in fact something i need, and they think this is very sweet and in some cases are jealous. i occasionally make cracks that betray the truth if you knew what to look for. but my listeners, even those who relish their sex lives and aren't shy about it, don't think in terms of bdsm. in a different group of friends is one masochist and a pair of leather guys, but no one i know of who is really into D/s. i have found the on-line community extremely helplful in giving perspective and making me feel less weird and isolated. i also have a psychiatrist whom i see occasionally to monitor my SAD and now-dormant general depression. i haven't admitted to the bdsm - she is very open-minded but i don't want her to worry about me! but she approves of what i do tell her about how he keeps my life regulated, and sees how incredibly happy i am. i do think i am very lucky to have achieved two things in one relationship, and things i never expected to have at all or again: the realization of my desire to explore bdsm and a love unlike any i've ever had before.
  35. We are very private. In public my Wife is very well behaved
  36. I am fairly relaxed and open. I am also polyamorous and most of my friends are aware of this.
  37. It's not too difficult, really. I don't have black eyes or anything. And other visible things are easily understood by most of my friends. People I am close to but don't see often are pretty much the people who wouldn't understand at all. It works out
  38. Distinctly compartmentalized and separate. I consider discussion of one's private life unnecessary and inappropriate regardless of what it may involve. I do go to great lengths to hide the internet involvement of my interest, of which i am more ashamed than the actual participation.
  39. live it daily
  40. It's difficult. We don't live together as yet, and I am still living at home with my mum. A long distance relationship is hard at best, but I think it's harder being a D/s relationship.
  41. I have both world at war with one another. I try my best to live in both at all times.
  42. Life is life and it is lived. Every once in awhile there is a nuance of something that reminds me of the BDSM world, however, for the most part, there is a defined split. Sometimes i'd rather not have a vanilla world, but... for now, I do. It is lived normally.
  43. I don't mention it unless someone asks--and they rarely if ever ask.
  44. D/s type things don't often come up in conversation in the vanilla world. I guess you'd say I'm in the closet.
  45. As I stated above with confidence. To sway both sides is foolish as you ride the fence, but protocal, etiquette, knowledge and an open mind can balance you well. The problem is that we loose ourselve in fantasy if we are not careful, become so ingrossed in it that we lose our perspective.
  46. Not exactly 'closeted', but don't go on about it unless the topic comes up, then judge the company as to how much I'll say. Most of my friends know I'm somewhere in the Fetish/BDSM spectrum but not the specifics. Some know all.
  47. Not exactly 'closeted', but don't go on about it unless the topic comes up, then judge the company as to how much I'll say. Most of my friends know I'm somewhere in the Fetish/BDSM spectrum but not the specifics. Some know all.
  48. Its kep separate because of her work
  49. Most people that meet me would understand that I am submissive to my Sir, which contrasts very stongly with my work persona. I am not aggressive but I am a leader.
  50. I really don't try to hide it, in any way. If someone happens to ask, I'm very open about my life and choices. I'm actually about to tell my parents that I'm bisexual.
  51. I believe myself to be a dominant individual first and formost. The lifestyle aspect then is more like a comfortable addition. Managing D/s with my vanilla world has become much like having mental flags which remind me not to cross a certain line in my vanilla dealings. I know that D/s has provided me with a valuable understanding of human nature, and the differences between those who are inherently dominant vs those who are inherently submissive. Often times in my vanilla world I find myself evaluating individuals within that context and acting accordingly. However, the mental flag is always there. Lastly, "D/s Lifestyle" is not exclusively about sexual interaction. It's about embracing who we are on a meaningful level.
  52. I have no particular "lifestyle" It is a certain dynamic between us, we are private. I don't feel I have to manage anything per se, it is just simply who I am.
  53. I'm utterly single...and celibate for eight years...fairly difficult.
  54. I am open with most all of my close friends. I have actively attended play parties and events with those friends, though I am not open with my family or in my professional life. I do feel those two aspects are my life are not appropriate places to disclose my sexual preferences and choices. I am quite happy with who knows about me and who doesn't. Not to mention the secrecy lends itself to making my relationship seem more illicit and heightens the excitement factor for us as a couple. It should be noted I do not feel forced to hide this aspect of who I am nor do I feel ashamed of the sexual lifestyle I am choosing. Fri, 10/26/07 12:40 AM
  55. I have to manage it secretely.
  56. None of my friends or family know about the submissive life i lead and i am careful to keep it secret. I have a number of Ds friends i am in touch with (online) and many whom i have met irl.
  57. We have four children so we have to limit D/s activities to when they are not in the house, or just to the bedroom; sometimes discussions that are just whispers. It is not in play when with friends etc. though we may have agreed to something before meeting them.
  58. All but the most subtle elements are evident to the vanilla world. A few vanilla friends and family members are aware of this dynamic and my proclivities.
  59. i have a job, friends and contact with my family. Normally i balance things out very well, though sometimes i wish everybody close to me knew about the lifestyle i lead.
  60. I have a firm belief that sexuality is private and have no wish to share my orientation with anyone in my life, family or friends. That said one of my sisters and one of my brothers in law know a bit from accidentally seeing things at our house that were not intended. But it hasn't been a big deal. I do hide my bruises religiously, I don't change in women's dressing rooms at swimming pool etc. Again not a big deal. I also feel that it is crucial to hide my sexuality from my children, so that takes prioroty over kink, but we manage.
  61. I am gradually "outing" myself to very close personal friends. Online, I feel more free to express myself completely.
  62. I keep it very separate.
  63. i don't.
  64. I keep the two in separate compartments

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thank you all so much for sharing!
It's great to know I'm not the only one trying to keep two worlds separate and secret.