Wednesday, April 30, 2008

#4 What do you think has lead you to this lifestyle choice?

  1. i think i was born this way
  2. the need for someone else to be in control and my deep seeded need to please
  3. My inner cravings and curiosity
  4. Even as a teenager, I was drawn toward being submissive in sexual relationships. I was totally unaware of what D/s or BDSM was, but I craved it. Though I have played at it in the context of vanilla relationships, this is the first, truly D/s relationship I have been in, or stated as such.
  5. It is something inside you, not something you select. That is, you can select whether and how much to express it, but it is there, just like any other aspect of a person's sexuality. Would you ask a vanilla person why they like being kissed on the neck versus the shoulder, or why they like getting flowers?
  6. an understanding of my nature - similarly my pet's need to be controlled
  7. I think I have always felt that I need a strong partner, and being a stong person in my regular life, I felt SM was the perfect choice
  8. Born as a pretty precocious sweet and needing to please Southern girl.
  9. I can trace submissive/bottom tendencies and feelings in myself to a pre-sexual age, as young as four or five years of age.
  10. My need for someone to control me. His desire to control me.
  11. sexual desire
  12. it was inevitable - the sparks from the beginning - it was only in hindsight we called it - many years down the road realizing we were living a textbook D/s dynamic.
  13. i think i was born this way.
  15. A need, a desire to be controlled.
  16. I believe that this lifestyle is an embodiment of my sexual and erotic nature. It was not "easy" to come to this life. Creating the life that I now live required that I make deliberate and conscious choices with the full understanding that there would be some costs in doing that. I gave up a long term marriage and have experienced estrangement from a number of family members and former "friends" in order to pursue this path. It is not something that I have undertaken lightly.
  17. It was not a choice for me. It's like being gay. I was born this way and it is torture to repress it.
  18. I've been trying to figure that out for the better part of 15 years. Perhaps some events in childhood (I have attachment disorder-inhibitive, alcoholic father abusive to mother, abusive family in general), perhaps reading certain books at a formative age (Marquis de Sade at 9 might not have been completely wholesome), perhaps it's just how I am wired. I've never fought against it or wondered if there was something wrong with me but have always tried to discover the deeper reasons.
  19. Something about it spoke to me deep inside. It was a click of some sort, and it felt like I was finally able to be myself fully.
  20. That's a difficult question, as Dominance has been tied to my sexuality since I first became sexually aware.
  21. i found a freedom in becoming His slave.
  22. An early interest in being being totally of service to another, now becoming finally real.
  23. It just appealed to my Master and me.
  24. I actually realized that I was leaning toward this lifestyle at the end of 2004/beginning of 2005, but I didn't know I was until about a year ago. I think one of the reasons why I made the choice is because I felt out of control most of the time and what control I was given, I didn't want.
  25. I feel I was born this way. I have early childhood memories of a fascination with punishment and submission. I had a very normal childhood with a loving family. I can only assume it is genetic. I know there are male submissives but I feel that females are naturally submissive and males are naturally dominant. With some exceptions of course. I do wonder what makes us this way.
  26. Hard wired this way
  27. As I said, I think I have always had a predispostion to it, manifested in my professional life, my personality and some fifteen years ago, through the opportunities of the internet, I made contacts with people who practiced this lifestyle and found many kindred spirits.
  28. Don't know! something crashed inside of me this summer. I am a semi-pro bellydancer and something around the 'image' and the aggression (belly dancers are very aggressive frankly...) came together and something broke inside me.
  29. I feel safe and cared for. It is also incredibly sexy to have my husband HOH 31. I think it started out somewhat sexually and I caught on that it was more than that for me. I have a daddy issue from childhood as well so I was always looking to please.
  30. Is it a choice? I have chosen to actively pursue it in a way that will be more encompassing. I am currently looking to become involved in a long term D/s relatonship. But I guess like most people in this lifestyle I have a similar story. I can't say that I always knew it, but once I recognised and could label my submissive nature, I can look back and see a pattern in my behavior. But basically, exposure to it has led me to pursue it. I was in a bookstore one day just browsing and I picked up "Different Loving". The rest came from then.
  31. I just feel that way and want my wife to, as well.
  32. somehow i don't think of it as a lifestyle choice, at least not for me. that phrase makes me nervous, as it reminds me of people referring to being gay as a lifestyle choice. i have had fantasies of being chased and tied up since i was in my pre-teens, i think. this would be followed in my mind by the knowledge that something horrible would be done to me, over which i had no control. years later i would have rape fantasies, including gang rape, and fantasies of being whipped. my sexual needs are very high, and i reember masturbating as a quite young child. i remember my mother walking in on me when i was under 5 years of age, and telling me to stop touching myself. i assume that is the psychological underpinning for feeling the need to be forced, and probably ties into the punishment fantasies as well. i'm not sure about the delight at someone controlling my behaviour, but as an older adult i realized i have some measure of ADD, and in fact being controlled and directed is very good for me. i am very happy now - certainly part of that comes from being in love and having that returned, despite neither of us having any idea where this will lead for the future. but i think the structure and security provided by being owned has a large part in it as well.
  33. We both have a need to live an intense love. She had a mother who neglected her and I have a need to control her. She loves being controlled.
  34. If I were to take a guess as to why psychologically I would say perhaps having an abusive relationship with my father.
  35. Natural inclinations, and the need for intensity to achieve sexual satisfaction.38. A love-hate relationship with control, consequence and responsibility. An ability and desire to ably control my own life and circumstances, which led to the craving for balance in relinquishing control to someone else.
  36. the ability to be honest with myself and my Master about my inner most needs and desires.
  37. I really don't know. I love to make people happy and please them, and especially so in the case of someone I love so much as I do my lover. I am at my most pure happiest when giving him pleasure. A smile or word of praise from him is worth more than anything. All I ever want is to make him happy, so I love to pleasure him, whenever I can, and be the best I can be for him. That doesn't really explain my inclination to like pain and that sort of thing though. I really don't know why I like that stuff. Perhaps it's because in "Real Life" I am a headstrong, independent, confident, sassy, outgoing sort of person - a leader. Bossy. That sort of thing. Perhaps it feels good to be stripped bare and overwhelmed by the one person who I know can overwhelm me. And perhaps it's so sexy because I trust him. it's about trust. I place my life in his hands. That's exhilarating.
  38. Curiosity mainly. My Master/partner is the first and only person I've slept with, and He has encouraged me to explore different sexual aspects, and this is just another one. I'm an openminded person, so trying different things isn't that much of a stretch and generally doesn't push my boundaries too far, and when we started trying this together, we were lucky that it was something that both of us enjoyed and still continue to enjoy today.
  39. IT has always felt right. I can look for this lifestyle when things just felt "wrong". 43. Primarily the interest in rough, hardcore sex and pain. Then i fell in love with the D/s lifestyle and serving my Owner. I have always known i was a sexual submisisve- the mentality came from experiencing the passion of a true Dominant Leader.
  40. A long-standing interest in sex for its own sake, a mindset which favours being in control, and finding a submissive partner.
  41. It's just the way I am and always have been.
  42. 46. My Grandfather and Father. My Grandfather was head of house and what he said was law. I was his favorite and thus was taught by him. As to my Father, he was a Dominant man who showed me that patience, understanding and an opened mind can handle anything, emotions get in the way and thus on should first master onself before on can master others.
  43. It's always been a part of my sexuality, don't really know why, I'm generally interested in the psychological side of sex rather than the physical, which has some bearing, also I'm a control freak in everyday life, so this is a balance to that in some ways.
  44. It's always been a part of my sexuality, don't really know why, I'm generally interested in the psychological side of sex rather than the physical, which has some bearing, also I'm a control freak in everyday life, so this is a balance to that in some ways.
  45. I do not believe it is a choice, just as other alternate lifestyles you are born this way
  46. I was born submissive and raised in a world where it was okay.
  47. My own personal curiousity has opened this pathway. Under no circumstance, has my direction been altered for this life.
  48. I wonder if I have been led to it. More accurately, it has always been a part of me. As a youngster there were always those dark thoughts and fantasies...but always pushed to the back of the mind. Surely this could not be normal. Surely I was flawed. A strict religeous upbringing, vanilla propriety, political correctness all reinforced "acceptable" interaction between the sexes. And yet those needs and cravings were just not going to be denied. Lifestyle choice was not one moment of decision, but rather a gradual awakening aided very much by the internet as I discovered so many others who shared those same needs and cravings.
  49. I don't know if you have enough space dedicated for that answer..;) I think it is a way of being rather than a choice. It takes a lifetime of experiences to get to this point.
  50. The very nature of me.
  51. This is something I have not been able to discern as of yet. I suspect there are many factors and experiences that, in their own way, made this lifestyle feel comfortable, but I cannot pinpoint an exact situation or event that brought me to where I am now. I do feel it was a natural progression for me that began long ago. I also feel that the journey is never over and that new experiences will always lend themselves to shaping my future needs and wants.
  52. I do not know. I was abused in most every way as a child, but as to whether this has a connection, I can only guess.
  53. the submissive has always been in me. reaching the age of 40 was when i acted on it and the realisation that my husband would never be a Dom. the access to information and relationships online has not only facilitated my journey, but also helped me accept that my needs and desires are not abmormal or freakish.
  54. 58. I expressed an urge to be spanked after 25 years of marriage - I didn't realise anyone else felt that way until I read about it on the internet. Then read about DD and finally realized I wanted to go further to D/s. Without some form of D/s I can feel unhinged. It allows me to feel that my behaviour and responses are under control and that I can't lash out when frustrated. It makes me happy, feminine, cherished, and that he is attentive. It enriches our sexual life.
  55. A lengthy search to find satisfaction of some rather deeply rooted and initially unsettling desires. I was always drawn to a certain portrayal of relations between men and women, and especially excited in hyper-feminine dress codes.
  56. i think it is an inborn personality type - i think i am a natural submissive, although this was only revealed to me during some light BDSM style play with a former boyfriend.
  57. Just like anyone I guess I do the only thing that works for me, who knows why its submission and pain? You could say I was influenced by violent and controlling people as a child, but you could also say I was attracted to them, even then. Was it the chicken or the egg? I do love thinking about this quesiton, and I don't mean to be as flip as I probably sound, but I'm not sure there is an answer. I look forward to reading what you and others have to say on the question of why.
  58. It has been a very gradual process of discovery. I do not think I have explored my tendencies completely.
  59. I think I was genetically programed this way.
  60. childhood trust issues
  61. I needed to find out more about the dominant part of myself, which, however hard I tried, just wouldn't go away! However certain commitments in the vanilla world mean that I can't go as deeply into D/s as I would like.

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