Thursday, July 1, 2010

Stages of Submission.. Exploring Stage 1

Stage 1: The initial discovery stage.

Where and when one finds out about one's own feelings and emotions, related to erotic power exchange are often discovered in a very early (sometimes pre-puberty) stage, although they may either emerge or develop at a later stage as well.
I must have been about 8 years old or so, perhaps going through a hormonal surge, and I remember myself lying in my bed immersed in a fantasy involving a horribly strict man controlling several women. I still have images from the fantasy in my mind. Women standing in a row naked and shivering. The cruel Master standing before them ordering them about. I remember feeling my body burning with... something... I had no vocabulary for sexual anything then so even my memory of the feeling lacks a term.

I remember I used to pretend that I was always being watched by some sort of an overseer. He would watch my every move, and would punish me if I got out of line in the slightest way. I envisioned him standing there in brown leather boots carrying a large stick with which he would strike me. He would watch me as I waited for my school bus, or played with my friends. His stern words of warning filled my head as I pushed the boundaries in the slightest way. Such an intense warmth of sorts would flood my chest and arms almost forcing my body to the ground, a feeling I would rediscover almost 30 years later.

I remember as a child being enthralled by the remotest reference to spanking. Whether it was on television or in a book, I would keep a running list of all the places I would find these precious gems and go over them again and again in my mind.

And then it all just stopped. I think at some point I thought myself a freak or wrong for entertaining such thoughts so I banished them from my mind. I wanted to be a good and perfect girl, and good and perfect girls don't harbor such dark and dangerous fantasies or so I thought.

In my late 30's I rediscovered my secret desire for spanking, and would peruse the net for stories. I was surprised by my familiar primal reaction I had to them, and began reading more and more. I discovered there was a whole world of people and eventually engaged in a very cursory conversation with one such person. It was he who asked the one question that changed my life forever....

"So how long have you wanted to be with a Dominant man?"



sub mel said...

i agree with the
Stage 1: The initial discovery stage.
just a little over a year ago. one of my online friends told me they wanted to tie me up and use me... and all my fantasys of being Dominated by a Master when i was younger came back to me.. i had buried them a long time ago... and now i am rediscovering what i was suppose to be... a submissive

Dragonfly said...

Thank you for your comment Goodgirl...mel. I wonder how these fantasies could be conjured by such young minds?